I Thought Rest Was Betrayal | With Vanessa Parra
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I Thought Rest Was Betrayal
Migration, Survival Mode, and Holy Rest with Vanessa Parra
What if the drive to be resilient is really a lifelong survival mode — and rest feels more like betrayal than healing?
In this episode of Neighbourly, Shannon sits down with Vanessa Parra, a Latina migrant, writer, and member of CareImpact’s Trauma Care team in Montreal.
Vanessa shares her journey of migrating from Colombia to Canada and the unseen weight of beginning again. Even in a place known for safety, her body struggled to let its guard down. As she describes it, her brain felt on fire.
Around Shannon’s table, the conversation opens up about guilt, belonging, collective trauma, and the complicated relationship many migrants have with rest.
Because sometimes resilience isn’t strength. It’s survival.
And sometimes rest feels like betrayal.
In This Conversation
What migration feels like beneath the surface
Why “safety” can still feel unsafe
The difference between survival mode and resilience
Guilt woven into rest and productivity
Collective trauma in Latino communities
Why rest is not laziness, but holiness
Building safe spaces where migrants can pause and belong
The Heart of the Story
Vanessa grew up in Colombia surrounded by warmth and community. But moving to Canada as an adult required rebuilding everything — language, belonging, identity.
Migration is not only geographic. It is emotional.
Even surrounded by welcome, many migrants live in a constant state of alertness. There is pressure to succeed, to provide, to send money home, to keep going. In that environment, rest can feel selfish. Or even dangerous.
Through seasons of illness, isolation, and deep reflection in scripture, Vanessa began to see something different.
Rest is not weakness.
Rest is not laziness.
Rest is holy.
She now helps create “safe havens” in Montreal — spaces where Latino migrants can gather without pressure to perform, translate, or assimilate. Spaces for silence, story, food, grief, and celebration.
Because healing does not happen alone.
The Fireflies
Vanessa’s book, The Expansion of the Fireflies, was born during a difficult season.
Fireflies became a metaphor for restoration: small lights glowing in a dark forest. When you see them, it means the ecosystem is healing.
One person resting.
One person grieving honestly.
One person reconnecting with faith.
Small lights.
Growing together.
Why This Episode Matters
If you work with newcomers, serve in a church, lead volunteers, or simply want to be a more thoughtful neighbour, this conversation will help you:
Understand how migration impacts emotional safety
Recognize when resilience is really survival
Create space for silence and rest
Offer presence without pressure
Honour culture as part of God’s design
Belonging is not built through programs alone. It grows through presence.
A Simple Step
This week, make room for someone to rest.
Share a meal. Learn how to say hello in their language. Ask about their story. Listen without trying to fix.
Small acts of care can signal restoration.
Guest Links
Buy Vanessa’s Book, The Expansion of the Fireflies:
https://a.co/d/0aNK00i8
Produced and Sponsored By:
Episode transcript Read the full transcript
Introduction: When Rest Feels Like Betrayal
Vanessa: But when you're going through migration, it's totally different. Your brain is on fire. I don't know why. So I really need to build community, but my body doesn't feel safe.
Johan Heinrichs: What if the thing you call resilience is actually survival? What if the guilt you feel for slowing down isn't humility, but something heavier? I'm Johan Heinrichs, producer of Neighborly Podcast. Today, Shannon sits down with Vanessa, a Latina migrant, writer, and member of the trauma care team here at Care Impact, now living in Montreal.
Johan Heinrichs: Vanessa came to Canada looking for safety, but what she didn't expect was how long it would take to actually feel at rest. Even surrounded by welcome and opportunity, her mind felt on fire, always adjusting, always bracing. Out of that tension came a question that reshaped her faith: Is rest weakness, or is it holy?
Johan Heinrichs: Vanessa now helps create spaces where migrants can pause, grieve, celebrate, and heal together. She calls them safe havens. And she carries a striking image with her, a dark forest filling with fireflies, small lights that signal restoration, an image which then turned into a book that she wrote.
Johan Heinrichs: If you've ever struggled to slow down without feeling guilty, this conversation may feel closer than you expect. Let's join Shannon and Vanessa at the table.
Childhood Safety and the Loss of Familiar Community
Shannon Steeves: Vanessa, hi. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I can't wait to hear more about all the things that you're going to share. Some of the things I already know, but for our listeners to hear and be inspired by the grassroots community building you're doing, and just sharing your own story, thank you for being here.
Vanessa: Thank you, Shannon.
Shannon Steeves: We always start off with our signature icebreaker question: who is a neighbour growing up that you will never forget?
Vanessa: I won't pick just one person, but the whole group of kids in my neighbourhood. I grew up in Colombia, which many people know is not the safest place to be, but I was blessed to live in a kind of gated apartment community. So I had the freedom to just go out, play with other kids, climb trees, ride bikes.
Vanessa: I didn't understand it back then, but now I can see how free I was. I wasn't scared of being robbed or anything else. We were just kids going around playing by ourselves.
Shannon Steeves: That's so good. That's such a picture of childhood and how we want it to be for kids. I love that you didn't feel that sense of fear at all. You could just be free.
Vanessa: Yeah, being safe, even though it wasn't the safest place to live.
Shannon Steeves: I'd love to hear more about your journey. Where does your story with community really begin?
Vanessa: There was definitely a lot of community in Colombia. Latin people are very warm, and we value family and unity a lot. But I would say my personal journey really began when I moved to Canada. Going through migration is a very different experience.
Vanessa: It's one thing to build community when you already have an environment, like an ecosystem, and that new community becomes part of your existing ecosystem. But when you're going through migration, it's totally different. Your brain is on fire. You don't really know why. It's not like, hey, let's meet new people and build a community.
Vanessa: Part of what I already know is my brain is on fire, on survival mode. I don't know why. So I really need to build community, but my body doesn't feel safe.
Johan Heinrichs: Wow.
Migration, Survival Mode, and Searching for Safety
Shannon Steeves: If you feel comfortable sharing, what led you to move to Canada from Colombia?
Vanessa: Funnily enough, it's about being safe, because Colombia is not a safe place in many ways, politically and criminally. There's a lot going on. But you don't really understand what safe means on other levels. It's a challenging and yet beautiful experience. I don't regret it.
Vanessa: That's something hard to explain about migration. If it is so hard, why don't you just go back? And it's like, no, because it's beautiful, complex, and gives you a space for growing.
Shannon Steeves: Multiple things can be true. It can be hard and good and challenging and growing. How old were you when you moved to Canada?
Vanessa: Twenty-six, twenty-seven.
Shannon Steeves: So very much an adult, you've lived life and then you're coming to this place that's totally new. Did you know anybody when you moved here to Canada?
Vanessa: No, but praise God, when we arrived, there were a lot of people who welcomed us.
Shannon Steeves: What was that like? You talked about not feeling safe in this brand new environment. How did you cope with that? How did you learn what you needed?
Vanessa: I spent way more time with the Lord. That was my main point, my refuge. I feel lost, I need to go to you. But you would think that spending more time with the Lord would give you more clarity. But the more time I spent with the Lord, the more chaos there was.
Vanessa: We moved to Ontario and then moved to Montreal.
Johan Heinrichs: Wow.
Vanessa: It was a big challenge that we didn't expect. You would say it's not that big of a deal, same country, kind of the same culture. But I think for my brain, it was like, enough is enough.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Vanessa: We're trying to build something new here, and all of a sudden, girl, you decided to start over again.
The Book: The Expansion of the Fireflies
Shannon Steeves: I know you've written a book. What stirred in you that led to writing this book, The Expansion of the Fireflies?
Vanessa: It's funny because I was writing a book without even knowing I was writing a book. When I moved to Montreal, I got baptized. Something that seemed very small, or at least for me at that moment didn't seem that big of a deal, became this whole thing.
Vanessa: I used to write every now and then, but after I got baptized, it was like notebooks and notebooks in just a few months. Last year I faced some health issues, so I ended up spending a few months alone, most of the day alone, writing, reading, praying, feeling like the world was falling apart.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Vanessa: But just being there with the Lord, it was like pouring out, and the only available umbrella was spending time alone with the Lord. So I would write and write for hours, five or six hours, without even thinking about publishing any of that. I was just surviving, just trying to stay alive, and I was writing.
Vanessa: It's beautiful because during that time, I remember listening to a song called “Flowers.” In one of those moments, on my knees, crying, praying, Lord, why are you keeping me here? And he said to me, darling, I'm planting seeds, and one day you'll see the flowers grow in the valley.
Vanessa: For me, that's what The Expansion of the Fireflies is. How God can turn brokenness and tears into beauty, into poetry, into something you would never imagine, something better than your plans.
Why rest became the heart of the book
Shannon Steeves: Is the book basically describing your journey and your story, or what is the heart of what you talk about in it?
Vanessa: The heart of the book is how rest is holiness, and how as migrants we struggle so much with rest, and that comes from trauma. I don't know about you, but in our culture, for you to use the word trauma, you need to have a very good case to dare to use that word.
Vanessa: There's so much stuff going on, murders and really heavy things, that for you to say you need to heal from something, from any trauma, it's like, girl, you better have a good reason to be complaining about life. It's almost like being grateful is forced.
Vanessa: Being grateful is a good thing. It's good to be grateful every day about small and big things. But when you're not allowed to grieve or complain, something can be good and hard at the same time, and both can exist.
Vanessa: So the book goes through that, because that was my journey. Why is this so hard? Why is it so hard for me to rest? Why do I feel so guilty about rest? And how resting is not for lazy people or because you're too tired. Rest is about holiness.
Vanessa: I go through the whole Bible throughout the book, how God is showing that rest is about Him. It's about being shaped, about creating something new from your needs and from your tears. That's what happens in the Psalms. It's not people thinking theologically and writing something very smart.
Vanessa: It's people on their knees going through very real things, and by pouring themselves out to the Lord, that's when those Psalms are written.
Why fireflies became the image of healing
Shannon Steeves: Why did you pick fireflies? What does that image mean to you?
Vanessa: Again, it wasn't planned. Anything related to this book wasn't planned, which is very funny for me because I'm a very Type A person. I like to plan and have everything ahead. So to go through this process where nothing was planned by me, and I can't take any credit for it, it wasn't like I was trying to think of something aesthetically beautiful for the book.
Vanessa: One day I had a very specific image in my mind, a dark forest full of fireflies. I started to write as an exercise, something to reflect on collective trauma in Latin America, how normalized it is, and how when you start healing, it's like becoming a firefly.
Vanessa: Slowly you start to see more fireflies, and more and more, and that's how the forest gets full of fireflies. So I wrote that exercise without thinking much about it and just left it there.
Vanessa: Later on, a friend of mine from our Spanish city group in our local church sent me a picture of that same image. She had no idea about this or the book or anything, and she sent me that picture and told me, “Hey Vani, Vanessa, we were gathering with the city group, with our Spanish group, and suddenly all the space was full of fireflies. We found it beautiful and really wanted you to see it.”
Vanessa: And I was like, that's exactly what the book is about. That's so cool. I was sure that was the name of the book.
Vanessa: The more I researched about fireflies, the more clear it became, because they're small, but if you see fireflies, it means that environment is getting restored. It's a sign of restoration, of healing, like something major is going on here, even though this is a very small creature.
Vanessa: Which is how you can feel as an immigrant. You're a minority. You're not seen. You're not in your familiar environment. But the fact that you're here is not an accident. There's something going on here beyond what you can see.
Shannon Steeves: Thank you for sharing that. That's such a whole picture. I can visualize that. I can't fully understand what it's like to come from a very different culture and move here, but just to imagine that experience and that picture of restoration being possible, and when we begin to heal, it's this whole transformation. That's beautiful.
Personal Grief, Healing, and the God Who Is Not Improvising
Shannon Steeves: I'm guessing most of the book feels this way, but is there any specific moment in the book that feels especially personal, anything that you're glad you got to share?
Vanessa: The whole book is very personal. Not because the whole book is about my personal life, but because I go through Scripture in relation to my life, because that is where the book came from, going through the Bible and reflecting that in my life.
Vanessa: But there is a portion of it that would probably be more personal. I was reflecting on those times when Jesus died on the cross, when you feel, okay, the darkness won, this is the end. In those times, God is not improvising. That is part of His plan. He's doing something major, and He's building healing promises that go way above what we would see as victory.
Vanessa: I was remembering something that happened many years ago that came randomly during a worship time in our church. I remember an aunt, she was like my big sister. She wasn't much older than me, so we were raised together, and she died at a very young age from a very aggressive cancer. It was quick. We didn't even have time to process what was going on, and I was very young at the time, and I wasn't Christian.
Vanessa: In that moment, I remember seeing her healthy, happy, kind of a vision of her. I don't know how to explain it, but in the midst of worship, I wasn't thinking about her. It was very random, if you ask me. But I could see her happy and healthy, and it was like a message, something from God saying, what was meant by the enemy to bring death and grief to her, I used that bed for her to know me.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah.
Vanessa: She became a believer in that bed. So what the enemy wanted to use for death, I used to give her eternal life, and she is okay. And that was like, wow. I never thought about it, but maybe it's obvious for some people, but that moment for me was very special.
Vanessa: And I shared that in the book because there are moments, especially with collective trauma, when you would say, well, where was God during those situations?
Shannon Steeves: Thank you for sharing that. That's so personal. It's making me think about people I've known who have walked through an illness that doesn't feel fair, and asking, God, why would you allow this to happen? And yet framing it as this is what He used to draw her near.
Vanessa: Yeah. And something that I struggled with, or am still working on, is praying about healing over other people. That moment wasn't only about my family or my own story. It was also about never being afraid of praying over healing. Because if you're my child, the answer is always going to be yes. It's not a question of yes or no, it's when. So don't be afraid.
Vanessa: What if I pray for this person in our church and they die? That can be a struggle for some people like me. And He was working that in me, never be afraid of praying over healing. You are here because I'm using my body to bring healing to earth. So that's your mission here. Don't step away. Don't step back. Go ahead. Don't be afraid.
Creating Safe Havens for Latino Migrants in Montreal
Shannon Steeves: Thank you so much for sharing about your book and why you wrote it, and just your heart coming from this season of pain and challenge, but something that I think will really speak to people. I'd love to transition now to some of the community building you're doing. I know you are working on workshops and different things to help create space for other Latino migrants in Montreal. Can you share a little about how that came about and why you're doing that?
Vanessa: Part of the story of The Expansion of the Fireflies is that a friend of mine from our church was also writing a book at the same time, without us planning it. When we realized it and started sharing with each other, it was like our books are complements, kind of like if we had sat down and said, okay, let's make a book about personal healing and then a book about community healing, because we need both.
Vanessa: Personal healing and community healing are happening at the same time. It's not like you do one first and then the other. It's all happening together. So we sat down and really talked about our burden for the Latino migrant community here in Montreal.
Vanessa: When we sat together, we had the same heart. We want a safe place, because we can see many immigrants here facing major challenges. They long for a relationship with God. They long for community. They long for belonging. But their brains are in survival mode.
Vanessa: They're not the kind of people who are just going to show up to church every Sunday. They can be going through any kind of crisis. If your paperwork doesn't come through, you can lose your housing tomorrow. People are facing all kinds of things. So they won't just show up every week to church. You need to come near to them, walk alongside them, and help them have that space of silent rest, to feel safe enough to even see what they're going through and give names to it.
Vanessa: Maybe if I hear someone's story, I would say, yes, that's exactly what I'm going through. Or maybe not exactly, but something similar. At least then you can start thinking about it. We wanted to build that physical space as much as possible, for people to be together, to have a consistent place to go, to have fun, but also to learn, to have silence, and to take a break even from the language.
Vanessa: I don't need to be thinking in another language, or another set of social cues. We can make a joke that people would understand, just to take a break and feel home.
Shannon Steeves: To feel at home. That's huge. Do you bring that space together weekly or monthly? What does that look like?
Vanessa: Our dream would be to make it a weekly thing. Right now it's in a very early stage. We are just going one step at a time. We did a first workshop last year. We're going to have one in a couple of days, and then we're going to start trying to do that biweekly. We're in the midst of that journey ourselves. Our own project is in that growing journey that we're trying to walk along with other people here in Montreal.
The need for silence, familiarity, and being seen
Shannon Steeves: I know you're in the early stages, but in your own experience, or in those gatherings that have already happened, what have you noticed are the biggest needs for people?
Vanessa: I think there's a need for silence. I don't know if that makes sense, but there are a lot of people who are working, studying French, maybe having a second job during the weekends, then dealing with kids and the house. So they just don't have time to stop and have some silence.
Vanessa: Silence to even think about something that's not just, I need to do this and then that, and this and that, and going from A to B. Having that space in between. I think that's the major need right now. And also to hear stories they can relate to and feel seen, like there is someone here who knows my name, knows my story.
Vanessa: I can be here being extremely open, cry, and know that people won't see me and think, oh, this poor girl. It's more like everyone here is in the same boat, going through major situations. We're all in this together. And that's beautiful.
Vanessa: We had an encounter last year and it was very emotional. People were crying and grateful to have a space like that. Kind of like, why did it take you so long to start doing this? But it's all part of a process, and we're all learning together.
Resilience, False Guilt, and Why Rest Feels Dangerous
Shannon Steeves: That really speaks to the resilience of people. What have you learned about resilience in migrant communities, especially the Latino community?
Vanessa: There's so much resilience in Latino communities in general, not only migrants. There are so many countries that have gone through major situations that you just need to find ways to cope and keep going. However, there's a lot of guilt in that. I feel guilt has been inserted into our culture.
Vanessa: So even when we're trying to be resilient, there's a lot of guilt that enters and distorts what we're trying to build. I feel it's important in our process of resilience to work together again in community so we can point it out. Hey, is this real? Is this what God is saying? Or is this false guilt trying to distort you from doing what you need to do right now?
Shannon Steeves: And when you say guilt, what do you mean by that? What does that look like?
Vanessa: I think in general, rest is not very popular in our society. Especially in our culture, for you to rest is like betrayal, because it's not only you in survival mode. There's a whole community that depends on you. So for you to rest, it means you're sacrificing the security of other people.
Shannon Steeves: That's heavy.
Vanessa: It is.
Shannon Steeves: It is scary. I can only imagine how important it is then, like you said, to have space for silence, to just be. People don't have to perform or translate themselves into the culture, but just be and feel like they can exist, let their guard down a little, and take a breath.
Vanessa: Yeah. Not long ago, the small town where I grew up went through major floods. Literally houses covered in water. People had to use whatever they could to take the water out. They're not even eating because they're just trying to survive and save their belongings. So in a context like that, for you to say, I just need time alone and silence, no, you need to be there with everyone else, helping keep people alive.
Vanessa: So it's that mindset that enters your brain, and that's how you relate rest with being lazy, selfish, and all these things. You don't even realize it, but those experiences build your sense of identity and your sense of teamwork, though not always in the healthiest way. That's the guilt, like you can't stop, you need to help because there are people dying.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
How Migration Deepened Her Understanding of God
Shannon Steeves: Through all of these experiences, immigrating to Canada and seeing the need for safe, healthy community, how has your understanding of God changed or developed over that time?
Vanessa: I would say it has deepened. Changing my perspective on rest from a Bible perspective, going through deep waters in Scripture and just finding over and over again that rest is holiness, that for me was a major shift in my relationship with God and in my point of view of Him.
Vanessa: If He is so into rest and He is good, He is holy, why am I struggling so much to see rest as something good and necessary for healing?
Shannon Steeves: So much that you've experienced and processed. I really want to read your book because even in how you're describing the inward journey that's happening while you're experiencing something outwardly in life, it's so moving.
Vanessa: You don't need to be Latin American to enjoy the book. It's a journey through the Gospel, beginning to end, and seeing God in a different way that maybe you haven't seen Him before. So even if you're not a migrant, I would say you will like the book, and you would find something to be inspired by.
Vanessa: And if you know someone in your community who speaks Spanish, I think it will help you relate even more and open space for them to share about their culture. Just speak Spanish with them if you can, even just saying hola, hi. That would mean, wow, they're trying to be closer to me.
Practical Ways to Welcome Migrant Neighbours
Shannon Steeves: Those are some great practical tips. Are there any other practical things you would share with those who aren't Latino, to help them maybe understand what it's like to step into the shoes of somebody else?
Vanessa: If you're not Latino and you know people who are, I think what we can do as a church is see that every culture is part of the puzzle of God. I explore this a little in the book. There's a reason why God made us different, so we need to talk to each other so we can learn other faces, or other aspects, of God.
Vanessa: For example, we Latinos are very into celebration. We love to celebrate. We're loud. We love food. In our Spanish group at our local church, people tend to be very surprised that we always have food, and not snack food either, I mean a full meal. I love it. It's like Thanksgiving every week.
Vanessa: We're very into celebration. And in the Bible, there's a lot of celebration. There's a lot of holiness through celebration, through sitting at the table and sharing meals. I think that's a revealing part of God through our culture.
Vanessa: At the same time, here in Canada, I can see there's a lot of respect for autonomy, to let everyone be themselves, that maybe in our cultures is not as big or as relevant. And that is so important as a church as well. Yes, we're the same body, but in that same body we have different people, and we need to respect them and understand that they have autonomy to do some things differently.
Closing
Shannon Steeves: That's so good, Vanessa. Thank you so much for all that you've shared today. I know anyone who listens is just going to be stirred in their heart to think about what they've experienced or what others close to them have experienced, and my prayer is that people will challenge themselves to connect and to see the other, to see the person they don't normally see, and to understand how they can create a space that feels like home for others in their life too.
Vanessa: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.
Johan Heinrichs: The stories we share here remind us that care doesn't have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighborly is an initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity equipping churches, agencies, and communities with tech and training to care better together.
Johan Heinrichs: Visit careimpact.ca. Or to find out more about the podcast, sponsorships, being a guest, or just dropping us a line, visit neighborlypodcast.ca. We'd love to hear from you. Check the show notes for the link, or hop on our Care Impact Podcast group on Facebook to join our podcast community.
Johan Heinrichs: I'm Johan. Thanks for listening, and keep being the kind of neighbour someone will never forget, in a good way. Is turning over tables, breaking off chains.
Vanessa: When I see you in a stranger, I'm no longer a slave. Turning over tables, tearing down walls, building under bridges between us all.
