THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES
There’s Always More to the Story
Assumptions, Curiosity, and Neighbourly Care
What happens when the story we tell ourselves about someone keeps us from seeing the person in front of us?
In this reflective episode of Neighbourly, Shannon Steeves and Johan Heinrichs step back from the regular interview format to talk about assumptions, the quick judgments we make, and the stories we quietly build about people before we really know them.
This conversation explores how easily people can be reduced to one moment, one behaviour, one request, or one struggle. But neighbourly care invites us to slow down, stay curious, and ask better questions before our assumptions become labels.
Episode Summary
Most of us make assumptions without meaning to.
We see a parent having a hard moment in public, a person experiencing homelessness, a student acting out, a family making a CarePortal request, or someone who seems difficult, and our minds start filling in the blanks.
Maybe they are irresponsible.
Maybe they do not care.
Maybe they should know better.
Maybe they are just difficult.
But what if there is more going on than we can see?
In this episode, Shannon and Johan explore how assumptions can create distance, flatten people, and keep us from offering care with dignity. They also talk about how curiosity can become one of the first acts of neighbourly love.
In This Episode
Shannon and Johan talk about:
Why people are quick to fill in the blanks about others
How assumptions show up in churches, neighbourhoods, schools, and community care
Why a CarePortal request may have more context than people first realize
How assumptions about homelessness and poverty can oversimplify complex realities
What Johan learned while working as an Educational Assistant
Why curiosity helps protect dignity
How Jesus saw Zacchaeus beyond the labels others placed on him
How to stay compassionate without ignoring harm
A practical question to ask when judgment starts to rise: “What might I not know?”
Why Assumptions Matter
Assumptions are often automatic. They can come from our worldview, upbringing, fear, past experiences, or simply our discomfort with not knowing the whole story.
They are not always malicious, but they can still cause harm.
Assumptions can cause us to:
Reduce someone to their worst moment
Confuse a survival strategy with someone’s character
Mistake poverty for irresponsibility
Interpret trauma responses as attitude problems
Assume silence means disinterest
Decide what someone “should” need without listening first
When assumptions go unchecked, people become problems to solve instead of neighbours to know.
Curiosity Protects Dignity
One of the central ideas in this episode is that curiosity helps us resist the urge to make people simple.
Curiosity asks:
What might I not know?
That question does not excuse harmful behaviour. It does not mean wisdom or boundaries no longer matter. But it does help us slow down long enough to remember that every person is more than the one moment we happen to see.
Curiosity creates space for dignity because it says:
There may be more to this person’s story than I can see right now.
A CarePortal Example
Shannon shares about a CarePortal request for a TV that raised questions for some responders. At first glance, a TV might not seem like an essential need. But the fuller story included practical family needs, including education and connection.
The example highlights an important part of neighbourly care:
Sometimes the request we see is only the surface.
The deeper need might be stability, dignity, rest, connection, or creating a sense of home.
That does not mean people cannot ask wise questions. It does mean care should begin with curiosity, not suspicion.
Faith Reflection: Jesus and Zacchaeus
The episode also reflects on the story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19.
Zacchaeus was a tax collector. People had already decided who he was. He was corrupt, compromised, and not the kind of person people expected Jesus to move toward.
But Jesus saw more than the label.
He did not excuse the harm Zacchaeus had done, but He also did not reduce Zacchaeus to what he had done. Jesus moved toward him, and being seen differently opened the door to living differently.
The crowd saw a label.
Jesus saw a person.
This Week’s Simple Step
When you notice yourself forming an assumption about someone, pause and ask:
What might I not know?
You can also ask:
What story am I telling myself?
What might I not know?
What would dignity require here?
That may mean asking a better question, offering patience, learning someone’s name, softening your tone, praying for them, or choosing not to repeat an assumption as gossip.
Sometimes neighbourly care begins with a pause.
Key Takeaways
Assumptions are natural, but they can create distance when left unchecked.
People are more than their behaviour, need, struggle, or worst moment.
Curiosity helps protect dignity.
Real care is willing to sit with complexity.
Jesus moved toward people others had labelled or dismissed.
Neighbourly care does not have to be perfect, it has to be present.
Reflection Questions
Use these personally, with a small group, or in a church/community care setting:
Where do I notice myself making quick assumptions about others?
What kinds of people or situations trigger judgment in me most quickly?
When have I been misunderstood because someone only saw one part of my story?
How might curiosity change the way I respond to someone in need?
What would dignity require of me this week?
Who might I need to move toward with more humility, patience, or compassion?
About Neighbourly
Neighbourly is a CareImpact podcast about ordinary people showing extraordinary care. Through honest stories, reflective conversations, and practical takeaways, each episode invites listeners to notice the people around them and take one simple step toward neighbourly care.
Neighbourly is produced in partnership with CareCreatives Company, helping organizations clarify their message through branding, design, websites, and audio production for social good.
Produced By:
Episode transcript Read the full transcript
A CarePortal Request and the Assumptions We Make
Shannon Steeves: One time there was a CarePortal request that came in for TV and there were some questions that came from some church responders on why the family was requesting a TV because they didn't quite see how that was a vital need. And typically the requests that come in are maybe urgent things.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. From the outside, someone might think that's not essential. Like, why would they ask for that when there's so many other needs that they probably have? But we take for granted that sense of normalcy. It's normal for a family to have a TV and they need those rhythms. It might be rest. Every one of us has done it. We see one moment, one decision, one reaction, one messy situation, and without even meaning to, we start writing a whole story about someone. Maybe they're irresponsible. Maybe they don't care.
Johan Heinrichs: Maybe they should have known better. Maybe they're just difficult. But what if there's more going on than what we can see? Hey, everyone. I'm Johan, the producer of Neighbourly. Today, Shannon and I are stepping back from our regular guest interviews for another reflective episode. And we're talking about assumptions, the stories we tell ourselves about people before we really know them. And this isn't a conversation where we're the experts, where either of us are pretending we've figured this out.
Johan Heinrichs: It's more of an honest look about how easily we fill in the blanks and how Neighbourly Care invites us to slow down, stay curious and see the person right in front of us, not just the problem. Before we join Shannon at the table, we believe stories stick with us. They can change lives and they can shift our perspective. That's a big part of what we're doing with this podcast as part of CareImpact's message. Neighbourly is a CareImpact podcast produced in partnership with CareCreatives Company. CareCreatives helps organizations clarify their message through branding, design, websites, print and audio production. All for social good. Hey, if you need any of that, check us out at carecreativesco.ca.
Stepping Back to Talk About Assumptions
Johan Heinrichs: All right, come join Shannon and I at the table for this conversation. Shannon, we're back at it.
Shannon Steeves: We are. Woohoo.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. Another one of those episodes where we get to step back from our regular interviews and just kind of reflect on some of the things that we've been hearing. What are we going to be talking about today?
Shannon Steeves: Today, we are talking about assumptions and some of the stories that we tell ourselves about other people before we have a chance to know them. And as I was preparing for this and thinking about just being honest, like ways I've done that before. And so I don't think either of us are coming at this from a place of, like, we have it all figured out and everybody else is doing it wrong. I think we see over the years how we've learned in different ways, and now through the work we do, we get to keep seeing that and providing hopefully some education and some opportunities for people to see the human in one another a little bit more than maybe jumping to a conclusion about someone.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. I think we all have our assumptions, and I assume the more you do CarePortal requests a lot of those assumptions about people, they diminish over time, even, right?
Shannon Steeves: Absolutely.
Harmless Assumptions and What People Miss
Johan Heinrichs: Well, Shannon, let's just start off. What are some harmless assumptions people might think about you that aren't totally accurate? Because people have assumptions about all of us, right?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. One I've heard before is that people assume I'm always, like, extroverted and always energized by others. And I am, to a point. Like, I love talking to people. I love connecting. I love learning and understanding what makes someone who they are. And I can be, especially in places where I'm comfortable, I can be pretty carefree. But other people and group settings really only energize me to a point.
Shannon Steeves: And as soon as I hit that point, then people start to train me. And so I sometimes just need to go and have time and space on my own.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, I can really relate to that, too. I'm kind of the same way where I need to recharge after. For me, I think people often assume that because I work in podcasting and they hear my voice online, and because I've been in leadership and done preaching and all these things, I must be great at talking to people. I must be great at meeting new people. But honestly, I feel like that's one of my biggest weaknesses.
Johan Heinrichs: I do know how to turn it on, though. When I'm in a group, I can make people laugh. I can ask questions and get curious, which is probably the biggest first step to actually communicating with people is asking good questions, but connecting personally with no agenda. That's where it gets really challenging. Because I hate small talk as well. Like, I can interview someone for an hour because I've had a chance to prepare for that and I've interviewed other people, right. But small talk in a lobby, where you're just running into someone, or they approach you at church and you're in the lobby and want to start a conversation, and they start talking about the weather. I'm like, oh, not another weather conversation.
Why We Fill in the Blanks About Others
Johan Heinrichs: So why do you think people are so quick to fill in the blanks about others?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, I sat with this question for a long time, and I struggled to really even, like, make sense of why. Like, why do we do this? But as it kind of went further, even in my own self, I think we, especially in today's world, we're not great at sitting or tolerating with uncomfortable feelings or uncomfortable situations, and we don't like unknowns. We want things to be pretty black and white or right and wrong.
Shannon Steeves: And so sitting with some complexity, I don't think is our default. And this might not be true for everybody, but I think sometimes I see. Again, even just in myself, I tend to think kind of linear. Like, I see something, a behavior or a situation, and my default is, well, there must be a clear reason for that, because of XYZ, or they're acting this way just because of they're annoying or something. This clear-cut point A to point B. And that's not usually the case.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, that makes total sense. Even as a podcast person. Like, that's one of the reasons why we're actually doing Neighbourly is because we want to make those stories known so that there are less assumptions. And we want people to know there's always a story behind everyone's life, right. And the thing is, we like clean stories. We like things to make sense quickly, but real people almost never fit into those clean categories.
Johan Heinrichs: Like, people are messy, and real life's not a podcast episode that I get to edit afterwards. People are not edited episodes. And I try to keep real to these stories when we do these interviews as well, to keep the real voice and keep the honesty.
Shannon Steeves: But you can always remove some of my extra fillers. Yeah, the people don't need to hear that. The number of times I say, can we start over?
Johan Heinrichs: Oh, exactly. So if anyone was hesitant to be on the podcast, we can edit all that stuff out.
Shannon Steeves: If you're afraid, don't worry. Yeah.
Why Assumptions Happen So Naturally
Johan Heinrichs: And like you're saying, and I think that's where assumptions can be so dangerous for us. We see one scene from someone's life, it might be the first time we encounter them. Our brain starts to try to connect those dots, and we try to assume, to understand the whole story. So why do assumptions happen so naturally? It's kind of like our previous question, but why is this so natural in us?
Shannon Steeves: For us to have assumptions? Yeah, that's a great question. We're all coming from our own perspectives and our perspectives on life, and that is always going to be shaped by our worldview and our life experiences. And a lot of it is learned behaviors that we've seen from the people around us and people growing up and all these different things. And that's just the point of view that we move through life. And I think most people aren't intending to maliciously make an assumption about others, but it can happen almost automatically. And so I think that's really the core of this, is not to shame anybody for having an assumption. I think what we're really trying to help people do in this episode is pause and learn how to pause when we're making those assumptions. And instead of jumping to a conclusion, be a little bit more aware of ourselves and where that assumption might be coming from, a little bit preemptively.
Johan Heinrichs: I think that's important. And you're right. I don't think most assumptions come from cruelty automatically. Sometimes they come from what someone has been taught in their home. Sometimes they come from what they've experienced. And quite often it comes from fear, just of the unknown, like you said earlier. And for me, sometimes they come from things we just really haven't taken the time to think deeply about before.
Noticing Judgment in Ourselves
Johan Heinrichs: And that's something I've had to learn over the years. That doesn't make assumptions harmless, but it does mean that we need to be honest about how easily these stories can form inside of us. So I just mentioned where I noticed it in myself or I just haven't had time to think deeply on a lot of these assumptions. Where do you notice it in yourself?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, I'll be a. I'll be a guinea pig and put myself out there. One I see in myself that I'm constantly trying to work on and be aware of is when I'm out and about in public and I see parents and kids interacting. And one example might be I'm at the grocery store or a restaurant, and I see a parent respond to their child a certain way and think, ooh, like, that's not what I would do if I were a parent thinking I have all this experience and I must know better or even if I'm just interacting with someone and I might kind of put a label on them as, like, being a little bit more difficult to work with or talk with and just assuming that's who they are, like they're demanding or they're annoying or these. This is kind of the internal dialogue. And I say that not because I am proud of that by any means, but I'm trying to notice and be self aware in myself of that's where my kind of internal judgment starts to go. And those can be assumptions that I can make quickly without considering, oh, maybe that family's having a really hard day and that mom is doing the very best she can and that kid just did that thing again that she told them not to do.
Shannon Steeves: Or I'm, I'm with a person and they just had a phone call from a family member and they are really struggling. Like, I don't know but at the same time, that's where we can start to think of ourselves and just be like, oh, I'm justified and I would do it differently or I would do it better. And yet we just don't. We don't know. We don't know what's right underneath the surface.
Seeing Students Beyond Their Behaviour
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. That reminds me, when I used to work as an EA many, many years ago, there were times sitting in the staff room with the other staff where they talk about the students. There'd be a student that misbehaves on a regular basis or they'd act out. The staff would just assume like they don't care, that they're lazy, that they weren't raised well. I've actually heard them say, and this was heartbreaking when I've heard it, that that student is a waste of space. And my heart just broke when I heard that. Just knowing, like from a Christian perspective, that they are God's image bearers.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: And the more I sat in the context, working with these students, asking them questions about their life. They don't often share much anyway. But I've heard about some of these students whose siblings went missing, or if they've witnessed violence in their home, or they had to protect their mom from her new boyfriend, stuff like that. They're dealing with that. We just can't understand that context. Like, we've never been in a lot of that context.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Assumptions in Churches, Neighbourhoods, and Community Care
Johan Heinrichs: So from the outside, the behaviors look like defiance and laziness, but underneath there's like, fear, there's trauma, frustration, shame, exhaustion. So a student not doing homework might look like laziness from the outside, but there's a real story of fear and trauma, like I was saying, and a learning disability sometimes where they're just, they. They really do care so much, but they have trouble reading, so it becomes really frustrating. And they act out behaviorally. Those are some of those assumptions that even caregivers, those in authority, like teachers, they have assumptions about students sometimes. I'm not painting everybody with this broad stroke, but there's some out there that are caring for these kids that just don't take the time to understand. So, Shannon, where do you see this show up in churches and neighbourhoods and community care, especially working with Care Portal?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. Something I've noticed in these environments, and this is often just under the surface a little bit, it's not something we'd maybe say outright, is that we, the collective, we, the church, the community, the neighbourhood, can often assume what people need. And again, going back to what you're saying in the beginning, this isn't malicious, but it's sometimes just our default. And especially like me, if you're a helper, you want to fix things, you want to right wrongs, you can quickly jump into like, oh, well, I know what that family probably needs. An example of this is one time there was a CarePortal request that came in, and the request was for TV. And there were some questions that came from some church responders on why the family was requesting a TV, because they didn't. They didn't quite see how that was a vital need and typically the requests that come in are maybe urgent things.
Shannon Steeves: And what they didn't know was that that family was needing a smart TV because it was going to have multiple purposes. One of their kids was going to be able to do something, some schoolwork, using that TV, and it could then also be used for other things. Yeah. And so when we see that request come in, we don't necessarily know the whole story. Another common one I can see show up in conversations with community and just in friendships even, is how people view homelessness. And sometimes the narrative is often, well, why don't they just go get a job? And from the outside, that's really, really easy to say.
Shannon Steeves: And I think for me, coming from a place of not experiencing poverty and not experiencing major hardship in my life, I kind of used to think that way too, of, like, well if you're able to stand outside with the sign, like, why. Why not just spend that time looking for a job? And I'm so glad that over the years, God has humbled me and I've kept my heart soft to remain curious and compassionate, because obviously now as I've been in this space a little bit and asked some more questions, there's so much beyond the person standing on the corner that I don't see. I don't know if they're battling active addiction or untreated mental illness, or they lack access to shower facilities or transportation to get to a job interview. There's so many factors that it is not as simple as just going and getting a job. And it, it can really oversimplify what people are navigating. Yeah, so that's one example where I've seen in my own self, learning and really wanting to help. Communities and churches look at themselves in that way as well.
Shannon Steeves: And again, not to shame anybody, but to help open our eyes to different perspective.
The Clean Story of “Why Don’t They Just Get a Job?”
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, I've heard that phrase before too. Like, why don't they just get a job? And that's one of those clean story assumptions, right. It gives, it gives a simple explanation, but it skips over so much complexity. And I think sometimes those simple explanations make suffering feel more manageable from a distance. Like we have the answers if they just got a job like that. It's simple and they give us no reason not to wrestle with those harder questions. And again, for me, it's thinking deeper on these things.
Johan Heinrichs: But real care, as we've learned, really begins when we're willing to sit with that complexity, when we're willing to sit with that curiosity. The TV example that you gave, that's a great example. Because from the outside, someone might think that's not essential. Like, why would they ask for that when there's so many other needs that they probably have? But we take for granted that sense of normalcy. It's normal for a family to have a TV and they need those rhythms. It might be rest. It might be a time for a parent to connect with their child and have that connection time where their child's not distracted by something else or behaviors. They can just sit together in quiet.
The Damage Assumptions Can Do
Johan Heinrichs: It might be creating that sense of home, because that's a normal thing to have in your home. This doesn't mean every request is simple, obviously, and it doesn't mean we can't ask wise questions. But Neighbourly care starts from curiosity, not suspicion. So I think we all just need to be more curious. Okay, let's shift the conversation a little bit and talk about the damage of assumptions. So if assumptions are often automatic, and if we all do this in different ways, then maybe the next question is what damage do assumptions actually do? Because I think assumptions create distance. We don't get closer to people because we have assumptions about them. They can reduce people to their worst moment, reduce them to their, to their need, their behavior or financial situation.
Johan Heinrichs: We can reduce them to their parenting stress or Whatever visible struggle we happen to see. But, Shannon, how can assumptions keep us from seeing the person in front of us?
Shannon Steeves: I think you said it right there. We can see one moment and start to make this whole story in our head and. And then we end up missing the whole person that's standing right in front of us and start to maybe put a label on someone and start to define them by that one moment rather than really seeing them for the whole person that they are.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. Because we all have bad moments, and if that's our first impression or our only impression someone gets of us, we walk away just cringing. It's like, oh, my goodness, that's what I put forward for this person. Some of these people live with that more often because of their situations. And that. That must be heart wrenching for them to live with that on a daily basis sometimes because there's so much more to them, right?
Shannon Steeves: Absolutely. Yeah.
How Curiosity Protects Dignity
Johan Heinrichs: So that makes me think about something smaller, but still real. People sometimes assume that I'm disengaged because I'm. When there's more than two people in a room and there's conversations, I'm usually the quiet one. Believe it or not, even at home, my wife has experienced this too. She'll ask me a question, and then there will just be silence, and it drives her crazy. The truth is, I'm not not listening. I'm usually processing because I.
Johan Heinrichs: biblically, you want to be slow to speak.
Shannon Steeves: Right, right, right.
Johan Heinrichs: But I tend to need time to digest what people are saying. Mostly because I don't like the taste of my foot in my mouth.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: But it's a small example of how easily we can misread people. We can misread silence. We can misread behavior, or we can misread tone. We can misread the struggle or the day that they're having. When we're at a grocery store and the teller's not smiling and grouchy, we can say, well, they're really bad at customer service. Maybe they're just having a bad day.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: And once that label gets attached, it can be a lot harder for us to see a person clearly, especially if that's our first impression of them. So how does curiosity protect dignity?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, it's a great question. I think it protects dignity because curiosity helps us resist the urge to make somebody simple. And most people are carrying grief, pressure, history, often fear, even trauma. And these are all kinds of things that we can't immediately see. And curiosity also reminds me that my own perspective is limited. I might have an interpretation of someone's behavior, but that interpretation is definitely not the whole truth. And I think there's just something deeply dignifying about really listening and curiosity helps tell someone, I want to know you. And there is safety really here to be yourself. And I think when someone feels safe and you can be trusted with whatever it is they want to say, that's really where someone feels dignified.
Jesus, Zacchaeus, and Seeing Beneath the Label
Johan Heinrichs: That's good. And if you know me, I like to bring in scripture into these conversations because, as it says in Timothy, Scripture is profitable for teaching reproof, correction, and for training in righteousness. And obviously, Jesus is such a beautiful example of what we're talking about today. One of the things that we see so clearly in his life is that he consistently saw people beneath the labels, beyond their labels that others have placed on them. We see it. We see it in the woman at the well. And specifically, I'm thinking right now, I don't need to go to a sermon here, but the story of Zacchaeus, he really fits into that conversation. Everyone already decided who Zacchaeus was.
Johan Heinrichs: He was a tax collector. He was corrupt. He was compromised. He was not the guy people wanted Jesus spending time with. I'm pretty sure they. They tried to counsel him against it. Why? Yeah, let's maybe not talk to this person.
Johan Heinrichs: Can we just move it over here? So, Shannon, when you think about Zacchaeus, what stands out to you about the way Jesus treats him?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, well, like you said, tax collectors in those days were not at all viewed highly. Well, I don't think we still like paying taxes.
Johan Heinrichs: That's true.
Shannon Steeves: But especially in those days, they were corrupt, like you said, and would often take more than the tax somebody owed and just keep that for themselves. And so I think if I were one of the people who were viewing Zacchaeus this way, like, I'd feel pretty righteous in my anger towards this man. And yet Jesus not only noticed Zacchaeus, but he moved towards him, and he said, I'm gonna stay at your house. And that just doesn't make sense. Zacchaeus treated people unjustly. He was what we'd call a bad guy or a sinner.
Johan Heinrichs: I would probably be offended, actually.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. And so. So culture would say, like, this guy is not who you want to hang out with. Like, we need to call him out and chastise him because he's been doing wrong.
Johan Heinrichs: And like you said, he's a tax collector. So to be fair, some of that story was probably based on real harm where he actually did harm to people by collecting taxes when it probably wasn't justified. He'd probably taken advantage of people. And he probably benefited from this unjust system. And we feel like we're all righteous when we stand up against these things. But this isn't about pretending.
Johan Heinrichs: None of that mattered. And Jesus didn't excuse what Zacchaeus had done, and he also didn't reduce what he had done. But the crowd saw that label, and Jesus saw the person. And being seen differently opened the door to living differently. Jesus didn't ignore the truth again, but he saw more than one piece of it. Yeah, those assumptions that we have coming in.
A Story of Mercy and Forgiveness
Shannon Steeves: When I was reading this short passage of Zacchaeus before today, it kind of just struck me again. And this is a story that I've been singing the Zacchaeus song since I was a little kid, and yet this is what Jesus says. He says, today, salvation has come to this house because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the son of man came to seek and to save the lost. And even in all of the harm that Zacchaeus had done, Jesus didn't see that as the end of the story. Yesterday, I saw a video.
Shannon Steeves: It reminds me of this, and it. It just. It stopped me in my tracks. Well, probably cry as I tell this story again, but it was a video of a young woman. Her name is Shelby Brown. And in the video, she was speaking to inmates in a prison. And she shares this story that her dad was a police officer. And when she was 18, he responded to a call and he was shot four times and he passed away.
Shannon Steeves: She shares that in the pain and the brokenness she felt, the Lord was prompting her to make a decision. And this is what she felt like. The Lord said, I felt like He said, Shelby, close your eyes. I want you to picture the face of Jesus. What did his eyes look like on the cross? And for me, she says they were looking straight at me, filled with tears. And I felt like He said, Shelby, I did this for you. But do you know who I also did this for? I did this for the man who shot your father.
Johan Heinrichs: Wow.
Shannon Steeves: And she goes on to talk about how she chose to forgive the man that killed her dad. And now she brings the hope and the redemption of Jesus to men and women in prison. And I can't stop thinking about that. Because where we see labels, where we see a grumpy neighbour or a tax collector or even a murderer, Jesus still sees a person. And that does not excuse the behavior. It does not say that it was okay. Jesus says it's still not too much for his mercy and his grace.
Moving from Judgment to Curiosity
Johan Heinrichs: It's really good. So we need to wrap up pretty soon here. So this is where we need to get a bit more practical. How do we actually move from judgment, these assumptions, into curiosity? Curiosity doesn't mean that we throw wisdom out the window. I like the quote, “Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out.”
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: It means that we refuse to reduce a person to what we actually see in that moment. Like I mentioned before, I would say an unhelpful version of this would be don't judge anyone, everything is fine. But I think a better version of that is use wisdom, keep healthy boundaries, and don't let your first assumptions become your final answer. So, Shannon, how do we stay compassionate without ignoring harm?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. Well, I think it's important to say this. We are talking about pausing and being curious before we make assumptions. And that's not the same thing as excusing harmful behavior. Just like I talked about in that last story, accountability still matters. Using wisdom still matters. But staying compassionate can look like acknowledging that there's more.
Shannon Steeves: We don't see whether that's instability or fear or trauma. And that can help us to understand someone's behavior without excusing it while still wanting to know the human underneath the surface. I think multiple things can be true at the same time.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. I think curiosity doesn't mean pretending that harm is okay. It means refusing to let harm become the only thing that we believe about a person.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: So even sitting with a story and showing that you're understanding someone's story doesn't mean that we're justifying everything that they do. It just means that we're starting to understand.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Three Questions to Ask This Week
Johan Heinrichs: So we're going to transition to the end here. So maybe a practical invitation this week. We'll keep it simple. So when we notice ourselves making these assumptions about people, when we encounter them, here's three questions I think that we can ask ourselves. I'm sure there's more, but these are just three that we've thought of. First of all, what story am I telling myself? Number two, what might I not know? And lastly, what would dignity require here? And that might mean asking a better question. It might mean offering patience. It might mean learning someone's name.
Johan Heinrichs: It might mean softening our tone. It might mean praying for the person. It might mean choosing not to repeat the assumption as gossip. Yeah. And it might mean moving closer with wisdom instead of pulling away in judgment. Because again, being curious actually brings us closer to people and it breaks that distance that we have. Shannon, you have any final thoughts before we close out this episode?
What It Means to Be Neighbourly
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, I think all of what you just shared is really what it means to be neighbourly, not pretending that we know the whole story, but still staying curious enough to just see the person in front of us. And again, we say this before, I think we've said this before, but Care doesn't have to be perfect. We don't have to get it all right. Plenty of times, I connect with somebody and I'm trying to say something that I think is smart or wise, but at the end of the day, it just means being present and listening and caring about someone and caring about who they are underneath the surface, beyond what we just see on the outside. And I think that is really what can help us look a lot more like Jesus when we move towards those who people tend to move away from and when we ask the questions instead of staying off at a distance, that's what it really means to be a good neighbour.
Closing Invitation
Johan Heinrichs: And hey, listeners, we'd love to hear any stories if you've gone from judgment into curiosity, if you've been able to make that transition and have some specific stories to tell, because those are great stories to share on this platform. So reach out to us at podcast@careimpact.ca. We'll see you next time. The stories we share here remind us that care does not have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighbourly is an initiative of CareImpact, a Canadian charity equipping churches, agencies and communities with technology and training to care better together. This episode was produced by CareCreatives Company, a social enterprise of CareImpact.
Johan Heinrichs: If you're building a podcast and want help with strategy, editing, or full production, visit CareCreatives Co. to connect with us. I'm Johan. Thanks for listening. And be that kind of neighbour someone will never forget in a good way. When I see you in a stranger I no longer stay Turning over tables Tearing down walls.
