After the Doorbell: How Connection Begins When the Help is Done
You bring over a meal after a new baby, or help a family move, or roll someone’s garbage bins to the curb when they’re away. You do it quietly, maybe feeling a little awkward or not sure what to say. You want to help, but there’s a question in the back of your mind:
What happens after the help is done?
Is a thank you enough? Are you expected to keep showing up? What if staying connected just feels…hard?
Most of us want to be a good neighbour. The dilemma is, the practical task—meals, moving, errands—is often the easy part. The real challenge comes after: building the sort of trust and presence that turns a series of helpful acts into something more lasting.
Neighbourly’s latest conversation picks up at the threshold, in that uncertain space between a need met and a real relationship. What follows are stories, tensions, and little glimpses of what neighbour-love looks like in ordinary life.
The Difference Between Showing Up and Staying Connected
It’s not hard to organize help for a clear need. Someone needs groceries, a meal after surgery, or a hand moving across town. A group chat comes together; people show up, boxes get loaded, food is delivered, garbage bins moved.
That’s all good. But what about the next week? The week after that?
The conversation focused on this very difference—the ease of meeting a need versus the ongoing effort it takes to stay connected. Building a “circle of trust and relationship” is a much taller order than just giving and leaving it at the door 00:01.
Part of the tension is that connecting has no checklist. Unlike moving day, there’s no clear finish line or task to complete. Staying in touch might mean a text, a small gesture, or simply being present next time you see each other in the hallway.
Small Moments, Lasting Impressions: Stories from the Neighbourhood
Sometimes a neighbour is memorable for all the wrong, or maybe just mysterious, reasons.
One story opened with a fall door wreath—fake foliage, bright and festive—found with a real leaf tucked into it. There’s confusion and a little unease. Who would do that? The conversation with the possible culprit ends up awkward, and the reason never really becomes clear 01:18. But even that small moment is an invitation for more directness, a little honesty about boundaries, and the courage to ask someone, “Was that you?” 03:28.
In another moment, rolling out the garbage for neighbours in the midst of renovations becomes its own quiet act of community. It’s not about grand gestures—sometimes it’s just someone noticing who made life a little easier for them, and returning the favour when they can 05:50.
Bit by bit, connection grows. Not perfectly; not always memorizing names or avoiding awkwardness. But a slow becoming, neighbours being neighbours 06:07.
When Is Enough, Enough? Making the Shift from Task to Relationship
Events like moving day offer a clear example of how help can turn into something more. It’s easy, when people offer to help, to think of it as just being polite. But when the need arises, and a group chat is started, what if ten people actually show up? 08:40
It happens. Boxes are hauled, pizza is sliced, the house fills with laughter and sore muscles. But what surprised Shannon most was the part after—the helpers didn’t rush out the door. They stayed, played video games, hung around until late.
That simple act—sticking around—meant more than an efficient move. It built memory and relationship, grounding everyone in the idea that caring about people extends past the practical task 09:48.
And yet, it also raises a question: if you keep needing help, at what point does it feel like you’re asking too much? How do you keep saying thank you, and not just feel dependent or “weak”? 14:06
Helping each other often involves swallowing some pride and practicing humility. For people who find themselves needing regular support—whether because of health, finances, work, or family—gratitude can start to feel heavy when it’s week after week 15:00. Naming that challenge is itself an act of dignity.
When Helping Feels Awkward or Unwanted
In every neighbourhood there are those who prefer less connection. Some avoid human contact, or ask for their meal or parcel to just be left at the door 16:30.
It’s tempting to take this personally, or to feel like you’ve failed at being neighbourly. But receiving help is vulnerable. Sometimes people simply need space. Connection is good, but it isn’t always easy.
The discussion explored how dignity means respecting boundaries. For the helper, that might look like offering the option to connect, but not insisting on it.
Why Doesn’t Anyone Follow Up?
Meeting a need is just the beginning, but the conversation acknowledged that following up can bring its own uncertainties. When you drop off baby items, for instance, texting later to see how things are going can feel uncertain—will it seem weird? Is it overstepping, or just being kind? 17:45
Often, a simple check-in—no strings attached—makes all the difference 18:13. There’s room for imperfection. The goal isn’t to take responsibility for every future need, but to let someone know the relationship doesn’t end at the door.
Following up is itself an act of care, especially when it’s genuinely open-ended.
Is There an Unwritten Rule for Saying “Thank You”?
Care in community also creates its own rituals and expectations—like returning a neighbour’s casserole dish. Are you meant to return it empty, or fill it with cookies? What if you’re not wild about casseroles in the first place?
This light moment between the hosts captured how quickly a gesture of kindness can spiral into a cycle of owing each other, or into feeling pressured to reciprocate in just the right way 22:26. In truth, the best answer may be to simply receive the kindness, return the dish, and not make a race out of it 26:31. Being a neighbour isn’t about mathematical fairness.
Sometimes, accepting help graciously is its own act of community.
Navigating the Tension: What If Support Becomes an Expectation?
The group conversation raised a subtle, harder reality: if acts of service continue indefinitely, does it become an obligation? Do those helping start to feel responsible, even burdened?
A key theme that emerged was the difference between following up and taking responsibility. Checking in after an initial act of care doesn’t require becoming someone’s permanent support system 20:09. Not making people feel like projects matters just as much as meeting their needs.
There’s wisdom in letting the relationship expand naturally. Sometimes the next step isn’t for you to do more, but to connect the person into a wider community, church, or network. Pay attention to whether someone is inviting more connection, or just looking for a hand with a single need 21:02.
Vulnerability, Faith, and the Messiness of Care
Faith weaves quietly through these stories, not as advice but as backdrop—a reminder that community isn’t a solo quest and care is best done together.
The core is humility, not heroics. Allowing ourselves to need one another. Accepting messiness and limits. Letting support be mutual. Inviting others in, rather than carrying every burden alone.
And acknowledging: sometimes love means returning the casserole dish empty, and sometimes it’s seeing the person who left a mysterious leaf in your fall wreath.
One Small Step This Week
Think of one person you have helped—or who has helped you—in the last while. It might have been a meal, a small favour, a quick errand, or just an act of kindness.
This week, reach out in one tiny way. Text to check in, invite them along to something you’re already doing, or simply say a genuine thank you without feeling the need to give something back.
Relationship is not built in grand gestures, but in the awkward, ordinary, ongoing moments just after the help is done. Let your care become connection, one small step at a time.
Episode transcript Read the full transcript
Why Connection Takes More Than Showing Up
Johan Heinrichs: Connection is good, but it's not easy. It's no longer one person helping another, but it's just building a circle of trust and relationship. And that takes a lot more effort than just receiving and just giving and leaving it at the door.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, it's a lot easier to organize just showing up or, you know, the help than it is to actually stay connected. Welcome back everybody to another episode of Neighbourly. And Johan and I were talking, and if you were a listener of last season, you'll remember that we always started off with the same question, anytime we had a guest on. We said, who was a neighbour that you will never forget? And we had to bring that back today because recently I have had multiple encounters with a neighbour that I will never forget.
A Neighbour, a Fall Door Sign, and a Mystery Leaf
Johan Heinrichs: Oh, we talked about this neighbour last episode, didn't we?
Shannon Steeves: Yes. She got introduced on the last episode. And I was telling Johan there's been a few more encounters together with this neighbour that I had to update us on.
Johan Heinrichs: Okay. We want to love our neighbours, but I really want to hear this story even no matter how weird it sounds.
Shannon Steeves: Right. So, okay, so the other day, I have a lovely fall sign on our door and it's kind of like a wreath, but it kind of just hangs there and it's just like a wooden thing with a little bit of fake foliage like glued onto it. Fake foliage. Okay. I get a text from my husband and a picture and he's holding a leaf, a real leaf from outside. And he says, this was stuck into our door sign. And he's like, I know who it was. And I said, I know who it was too.
Shannon Steeves: We didn't actually know, but—
Johan Heinrichs: In the gap in your door? Like, what are you talking about?
Shannon Steeves: So, okay, if I had a picture of the sign, it would make sense. It's a wooden sign, like a wooden circle, I mean.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah.
Shannon Steeves: And then at the top, there's glued on little like fake leaves and fake little sticks as kind of like a little cute thing. So there's— you're able to like kind of stick in between the fake leaves. You could realistically stick in a real leaf or something. And he sends me the picture and instantly I was like, oh, I think I know who it was. And it— we both were pretty confident it was this neighbour down the hall. But we didn't have, you know, any proof, and I didn't want to just assume. But I also was like, this is really weird for another person to come up to our door and put something on our door. Like, I don't, I don't like that.
Johan Heinrichs: Why though? Like, are they, are they like enemies of fake plants and they like, you have to have real foliage in there?
Shannon Steeves: Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know. And so I wanted to practice being a little more direct. I can be a little bit passive at certain times. And this was kind of bothersome. And so I said to my husband, I was like, okay, if we see her again, I'm just gonna ask if maybe she saw anything, you know, and just see where it goes. So later that day, we go out to run some errands. We come back and we're in the elevator with her.
Shannon Steeves: And so I start making some small talk, you know, talking about the weather. And then I said, hey, this morning we noticed there was a leaf on our door sign. I was just wondering if you happened to see maybe who put it there, because this woman is, is out and about a lot, it seems. And she nodded her head yes. And I was like, who was it? And she said, it was me. Like, it was her. And I didn't really know what to say. And I wish in hindsight I would have been a little bit like more direct.
Shannon Steeves: Why? Yeah, I've been like, why did you do that? But I didn't say that. I said, okay, well, you know, we don't really want anything like added to our door. you know, okay, like just kind of just awkward about it. And her response didn't quite make sense. I don't really know what she meant. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was just like, I just don't— I just, I just don't know why you'd ever go up to somebody else's door and like put something on there. Without asking, but—
Giving a Neighbour the Benefit of the Doubt
Johan Heinrichs: Okay, here's my theory. I got one right away.
Shannon Steeves: Okay, what?
Johan Heinrichs: I think maybe there was some leaves attached to your clothing or your shoes and it fell at the bottom of your door and maybe she thought it was part of the sign. So she was just putting it back.
Shannon Steeves: Actually, that is a possible answer. That's actually pretty— that's fair.
Johan Heinrichs: It'd be super weird if she went outside to pick out one leaf and brought it inside to add to the sign on your door. So this is just a theory, but—
Shannon Steeves: That would be weird.
Johan Heinrichs: So she might, like, give her the benefit of the doubt. You're right.
Shannon Steeves: We'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
Small Acts of Kindness Between Neighbours
Johan Heinrichs: I mean, I think I'm making some progress with my neighbours. If you recall, I had trouble memorizing names of neighbours. Like, we got some new neighbours,
Shannon Steeves: right?
Johan Heinrichs: But I think I'm making some progress, not on memorizing their names because I still forget every time, but they took a while to move in because they were doing renovations while they were moving in. So it was like a 3-month period over this summer and they finally moved in. But during that time, like they had a lot of garbage because they're doing renovations. So on garbage day, like they're not around during the week because they do renovations on the weekend. I would roll the garbage bins and I'd bring it back for them. They came up to my door and said, hey, were you the one that rolled up our garbage? Like, thank you so much. Like we weren't around to do that. And like, yeah, no problem.
Shannon Steeves: That's so nice.
Johan Heinrichs: So the other day, it was our garbage day. They're moved in now. And the garbage people picked up our recycling and garbage. And the neighbour went out and she rolled our garbage bin back to our door. So it was just a really nice gesture saying, hey, we appreciate you. We see you.
Shannon Steeves: Neighbors being neighbours.
Johan Heinrichs: And that's me just thinking I really need to remember what their names are.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, yeah,
Johan Heinrichs: yeah. Progress,
Shannon Steeves: progress, baby steps. That's right,
Johan Heinrichs: exactly. We're becoming better neighbours.
Shannon Steeves: That's it, bit by bit.
Johan Heinrichs: All right, Shannon, where are we going today?
Are We Stopping Too Soon When We Help?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, so if you remember, if you were listening a couple weeks ago, we talked a little bit about, you know, practical needs being met, but, you know, really not wanting people to feel like projects. And so this week we're taking that a step further let's say someone needs groceries. We bring groceries. We talked about that. The need gets met, but what happens the next week? I think a lot of us are pretty good at responding when the need is clear, when it's obvious. someone needs help moving or someone needs a meal or, you know, whatever it might be. But once the task is done, what happens? You know, is that it? You know, does it just end right there or? Does the relationship continue in some way? And so that's really what we're talking about is the difference between meeting a need and actually building a connection. And we're asking a question that might challenge how we think about helping one another.
Shannon Steeves: In our effort to be helpful, are we stopping a little too soon?
Johan Heinrichs: Hmm. Well, Shannon, you probably have a good example of this. Like, didn't you and David move into a new place this summer?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. Just, yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: Like, I remember you telling me that a lot of people came and showed up to help. And because I was saying, oh, sorry, I didn't come by to help because I wasn't being a good neighbour. He said, well, we had lots of people. Oh, great. I love when people say that because then I don't have to feel bad.
Shannon Steeves: Makes you feel a little bit better.
Johan Heinrichs: But yeah, what was that experience for you? Like, how do you, how do you say thank you the week after? Or
When Friends Help You Move—and Stay for the Connection
Shannon Steeves: what does that look like? Yeah, it was actually kind of mind-blowing to me. so like Johan said, David and I, my husband, we moved to a different apartment across town this past summer. And while we were looking at apartments over a couple months, you know, we just mention it in conversations to friends like, oh yeah, we're trying to find a new place, yada yada yada. And so many would always say, oh, like, let us know when you're gonna move so we can come help. And I honestly didn't take people that seriously in those conversations because I was like, you know, they're just saying that to be nice. Like, that's, you know, that's nice, whatever. But then it would come up again. Like, usually people at church, we'd see them every week or whatever, and they would offer again.
Shannon Steeves: They'd repeat the same thing, like, hey, let us know, you know, so we can help. And David and I would talk about this and we're like, oh my gosh, so many people have offered to help. Like, I don't know if they mean it, but let's at least, like, you know, be responsive to that. And so once we had figured out a place and we knew when we were moving, we made a group chat and just put everyone in it and said, hey, we're moving on this day at this time. If you want to come help, if you're free, we'd love to have you, but, you know, no pressure. And I think on the day of the move, like ten people showed up and it was hot. It was the middle of July and they just worked so hard to move so much stuff. We were using stairs, going up and down stairs, using elevator.
Shannon Steeves: Like it was just a whole thing. And I was so humbled and so grateful. But then the thing that really got me was we got everything packed at our old place. We drove across town and, you know, we're gonna start unloading it in our new place. I think we took a little break for some pizza because I was like, we need to feed these people.
Johan Heinrichs: Gotta have pizza.
Shannon Steeves: Gotta have pizza. And then pretty much once everything was hauled in, it was like, okay, now we're just gonna hang out. And so many of them stayed and we're just like, I think maybe they put on like, we're playing video games and people were just like, just hanging out, eating some pizza. And that really wowed me because I think at this point it was like 9 PM, maybe almost ten PM. And like, I'm pregnant, so I wasn't doing a lot of the heavy lifting. And so I—
Johan Heinrichs: Telling where the boxes go, right?
Shannon Steeves: Right, exactly. I was just kind of telling people what to do. And so like, if I were them, I'd be tired. I'd be like, okay, you know, love these people, but I'm going home to go to bed. And they didn't, they wanted to stick around and that really impacted me.
Johan Heinrichs: First of all, like finding what you said, ten people to show up to help you move. That's quite impressive. Yeah. How much prompting did you have to do? Like not much. They just showed up.
Shannon Steeves: Basically we just put them in the group chat and didn't really like know who was actually gonna come and most of them did. I'm like, you guys are good people.
Johan Heinrichs: I mean, for me, introverted guy, I do well in small groups, but ten is kind of pushing it a little bit. You get kind of lost in the conversations and all that. So I'd probably be itching to get out of there as soon as it was done. So that's impressive that people stuck around. I guess that means that the relationship that you guys had with the people is probably a lot bigger than the job.
When Helping Goes Beyond the Task
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about like what made them want to stick around? Like, why would they stay? And I think it really is just like they care about community. And everyone that was there was people that we have some level of relationship with. Not— they weren't all our best friends.
Johan Heinrichs: Right.
Shannon Steeves: But I think they're people who just cared about caring, people who care about showing up for, for one another and just believe in that. And it was honestly quite convicting because then it made me think about, okay, well, when one of them moves, we're going to show up, not just to return the favor or think that we owe them, but because of what it means beyond that it's not just about the task. It's about, I think that really is what it means to be a villager and to show up for people in a meaningful way beyond just helping them with the thing that they need. Like it goes deeper than that, I think.
How Do We Respond When Strangers Help?
Johan Heinrichs: So what if you had ten strangers that showed up at your door? Like that's, that's a little bit different than having ten people that you already have relationship with or sticking around. You're building on that friendship that you already have established in that relationship. So what is it like if ten strangers showed up at your door? Does the thank you change a little bit when it's complete strangers?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, I think that's a great question. And I don't know if it has a simple, clear answer, because I think there are times where oftentimes I think just saying thank you is enough in and of itself, where there doesn't have to be this expectation of, you know, I provided pizza to these people, but I don't, I don't know that they even expected that, but it was just kind of like, you know, they're doing all this work. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get 'em pizza, you know? Yeah. But that's not always necessary or expected or required. And I think especially when it's strangers, oftentimes those strangers are just glad to be there in and of itself. And saying thank you is meaningful in and on, like, in and of itself.
The Challenge of Receiving Help Again and Again
Johan Heinrichs: Okay. So how about this scenario? Let's say you were moving stuff every single weekend. And those ten friends, they showed up for the first several weeks in a row, and then it starts to become an expectation. So, you stop even asking them to come because they're just showing up. How do you continue that thanks? Like, that's, that's when it becomes difficult, I think.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: I mean, that's a weird scenario that would never happen, I think. But I mean, I can relate to it and I can let you know in a second, but how do you think you would react to that? How do you thank people that show up time and time again? To the point where you're not even asking for help?
Shannon Steeves: I think that's one of those situations. I think when I hear that, my pride is challenged because I'm like, oh, I don't want to feel like I'm needy or that I'm weak, if we really want to like go deeper. And so that's what I start to think in that moment of like, oh, these people just think that like I can't do stuff myself, or That, and if they are showing up, that's, that's likely not what they're thinking at all. And I think that would be a, a really good exercise in— if they are showing up, there's probably a reason for it, and I probably need that support. And accepting that would be a big, practice in humility, I think. What were you going to say?
Johan Heinrichs: Well, that just makes me think of people that need that support week after week. How daunting is that to have to say thank you all the time and really feel like we need people constantly? I think that would be really difficult. I can kind of relate to it on a small level just because as someone that has worked in various charities and I've, I've been depending on people to raise support. for my actual wage about a decade now. And it's not easy. Like you try to have your updates. Not everybody has resources to create video updates and all that sort of thing. But like you said, you really need to swallow your pride, walk humbly, and just be thankful.
Johan Heinrichs: And I think you can never say thank you enough. I often try to reach out to them as individuals, And just give them a little bit of a story saying, hey, this was really meaningful this month. Like, we really needed your support and we're so grateful. But you try to share the story too of where their support is going, how it's making a difference. Again, it's very different for someone living in poverty receiving that kind of support, but that's just how I can relate to it on a little bit of a different level. So like for others, when you're fulfilling a need, you may just get a thank you. And I think as people fulfilling the need, we just need to be okay with that because it's often hard to receive gifts all the time and receive support all the time. So some have trouble receiving.
Johan Heinrichs: And like we mentioned last week, they avoid human contact or they say to leave it at the door because that genuine connection. It's hard to receive sometimes, and human contact, connection, connection is good, but it's not easy. It's no longer one person helping another, but it's just building a circle of trust and relationship, and that takes a lot more effort than just receiving and just giving and leaving it at the door.
Building Trust Beyond a One-Time Need
Shannon Steeves: Yeah, yeah, it's a lot easier to organize just showing up or, you know, the help than it is to actually stay connected. One example I thought of recently was a while back I got to bring some baby items to a mom that was expecting a child. And there we had a couple visits of, of bringing things to her. And I was thinking about this while we did that. I was like, I don't want it to just be, you know, we just drop off these items and then that's it. but to be honest, like, I also didn't know how to, you know, follow up without being weird. Like, it's easy to overthink it. And this is just a really simple, I think, kind of bare-bones approach to it.
Shannon Steeves: But since bringing those items, she and I have just stayed connected over text. And every once in a while she'll send a baby update, or I'll, you know, send something I shared with her that I'm pregnant. And, you know, just Something as simple as that. Like we're not getting together in person, but there's something there that's more than just a transactional exchange of me bringing items, her receiving them, and then that being it. But like I said, there's a little bit of a, a tension in that of, I think we as people can do really well at the showing up part. And then when it comes to staying connected, Start to waver. And like me being honest, like, I don't know exactly how to do this, or what, you know, I don't know what to say, or what, I don't want to say the wrong thing, or all of those things. Because there's a little bit more uncertainty when it comes to staying connected.
Shannon Steeves: Like, we don't know exactly what to expect. What if things get messy? Or what if they ask for more stuff that I don't have or that I can't give? Because when we organize, you know, showing up the first time, it's pretty clear-cut. But after that, it's a little bit more unknown.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, Shannon, I think you're right where connection really is a lot more challenging because it's more long-term and it requires a lot more commitment, a lot more buy-in, a lot more of ourselves we need to give. Let's land the plane here a little bit. What are some takeaways that we can really get out of what we've been discussing here today?
When Does Helping Become a Relationship?
Shannon Steeves: Yeah. Well, I think it's important to, as part of this, acknowledge that tension and the tension that's real that many of us feel is that, are we thinking about this as the finish line or the relationship? Like that example that I shared of that mom, the opportunity, the task could end clearly, but the relationship often does not. And allowing ourselves to step into that space that isn't quite clear, that it doesn't have to be the finish line, but it can actually be the beginning of a relationship. I think another tension that we feel here is follow-up versus responsibility, and that staying connected does not mean that anyone has to take permanent responsibility for someone. That kind of goes back to not making someone feel like a project. But actually just following up, checking in. And I think this is really key when we're caring for and connecting with people that we are likely meeting for the first time, where, you know, how would we respond if this were someone that we have known for years and we'd just be checking in? You know, a mom just had a baby or whatever it might be, that in those friendships, we're not taking permanent responsibility for that someone, for that person. We're just following up.
Johan Heinrichs: That's also a good guardrail, right? Because we can take personal responsibility and get way too involved where it dictates a lot of our time in our life.
Connection Without Taking Permanent Responsibility
Shannon Steeves: Exactly. And then I think this last tension is really something that's important to remember often, is that the tension of, should I be giving more help or opening up to wider connection? And that sometimes the wisest next step is not me doing more or more coming from the same person, but actually connection to a broader community of people. And I think with any of these, we're always following the leading of the person that we're interacting with. And that's not always simple or easy or clear or perfect, but it's being mindful of, does this person feel— are they giving me the sense that they're open to that wider connection? Do they want that? Do they desire that? And following where that leads.
Johan Heinrichs: That's great, Shannon. I think it's time for What Would You Do? What would you do? What would you do? Okay, what's our scenario today, Shannon?
The Casserole Dilemma: Returning Kindness
Shannon Steeves: All right, so our scenario today is a neighbour drops off a casserole. Good old casserole. When your family—
Johan Heinrichs: It's always a casserole.
Shannon Steeves: Always a casserole.
Johan Heinrichs: We always have scenarios with casseroles for some reason. Yeah.
Shannon Steeves: It makes sense. You know, the casserole fits in one dish. It's easy. So they bring you casserole a few days later, you've washed the dish and you're trying to remember the unwritten rule. Do you return it empty or do you fill it with cookies and start the beginning of a race back and forth? So that's your question, Johan. Do you return it empty? Do you fill it? Or do you just pretend that you forgot where it came from and you keep the dish?
Johan Heinrichs: I might, I might be in trouble here because I think I missed the memo. I actually didn't know this was an unwritten rule, so I need to apologize to all those people that I returned a clean and on occasion dirty, but usually clean, clean dish without any return of gift or cookies. I also need to confess, I actually hate casseroles.
Shannon Steeves: Like all of, all casseroles?
Johan Heinrichs: Okay, there's one. I like the hash brown casserole with cornflakes on it. That's the only casserole I really like.
Shannon Steeves: Like the cheesy.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. Like the cheesy hash brown casserole. Oh yeah. That's good. I don't like to call it a casserole because I would enjoy it less.
Shannon Steeves: I call those cheesy potatoes. So if that makes you feel better.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. Let's go with that. Yeah. I remember actually when we had our first baby, we had a, we had a bunch of people bring us casseroles and like we had to be grateful because it's free food and They were giving and supportive, but we just didn't enjoy them very much. I think we tried to eat most of it. I think we tried to have people over to come see the baby and then eat our casserole.
Shannon Steeves: Smart.
Johan Heinrichs: So you can get rid of it quicker. So there's a, there's a pro tip for you, Shannon. I'm
Shannon Steeves: taking
Johan Heinrichs: notes. Because that time is coming soon.
Shannon Steeves: It is.
Johan Heinrichs: But it was a true struggle to eat the casseroles that I didn't enjoy. The most awkward part was returning that dish. And then they ask, how did you enjoy it? I don't even remember what I said. I said, I think I said, I don't know what I said, honestly. It was so long ago. Last time I had a kid was 16 years ago. So.
Meal Trains and Learning to Receive Help
Shannon Steeves: Well, you know what, Johan, I'm not trying to make you feel old, but you said it, 16 years. So now there's something called meal train. And I don't know if there was Meal Train around 16 years ago, but people can go online and sign up to bring you a meal. And the nice thing is that you can put in the notes— there's like notes where whoever's organizing the meal train can say like, oh, the family doesn't like this food, or they like this food. And so we've really— we've moved up in many parts of society, not in others, but at least in that now people can say they don't want casserole.
Johan Heinrichs: Well, I should, I should say the casserole gate on my part was 20 years ago because that was our first child.
Shannon Steeves: Oh, sure.
Johan Heinrichs: we learned our lessons after that first one. So, you know, when you're pregnant, when you're at your stage and you know that people are going to be doing this meal train thing no matter what it is,
Shannon Steeves: right?
Johan Heinrichs: you can drop hints ahead of time, say, you know what, the best thing that would, that would be helpful for us is just someone order us a pizza, right? Give us a gift card and that would just Because you never know what you're feeling like that day.
Shannon Steeves: That's very true.
Johan Heinrichs: It's usually not a casserole. Yeah, usually not a casserole.
Shannon Steeves: Smart.
Johan Heinrichs: But hey, I got it. Actually, I got another story.
Shannon Steeves: Oh yes.
Johan Heinrichs: Can I tell it?
Shannon Steeves: Please.
When Paying It Forward Becomes Complicated
Johan Heinrichs: I remember that. I don't know why this came up right now to my head, but I remember a few years ago, a local coffee shop here in Winnipeg, someone started paying it forward. I don't know if you heard of this.
Shannon Steeves: Yeah.
Johan Heinrichs: But they ended up keeping this cycle going in the drive-thrus. Like, I'll pay for the vehicle behind us. And it just kept going for 228 cars in Winnipeg.
Shannon Steeves: No way.
Johan Heinrichs: And that sounds, that sounds amazing and a good happy story, but immediately, like, I'm feeling sorry for those people at the tills trying to sort out that mess and trying to figure out who's paying for what. Like some people would, some people were offering to pay for two cars behind them or the next two cars. So it's like, what did the ones in between do? Like what a nightmare.
Shannon Steeves: Oh, that gets complicated.
Johan Heinrichs: What a nightmare mess of loving your neighbour. A great story, but with some underlying challenges. So to answer your question, yes, clean it, say thank you, return the favor when enough time has passed for it not to become a cycle of insanity, when people keep paying it forward over and over again, because it can be messy at the same time.
Shannon Steeves: I'm with you. I don't think we have to overcomplicate it. Like, just receive the kindness from the person. wash the dish and give it back to them. Because you're right, then it can just become this back and forth of now I owe them, and then it's like, well, it kind of defeats the kindness in the first place. Someone wants to help you, let them. As I was talking about earlier, needing help does not mean that you're weak, and being this hyper-independent person doesn't make you better. I say this as someone actively working on it.
Shannon Steeves: But yeah, it's— let's just, let's just receive it. And in, you know, later down the road, make that casserole for them next time. Not for you. I won't make a casserole for you guys.
Johan Heinrichs: Well, just looking back, I'm like, could I have just repaid with someone else's casserole?
Shannon Steeves: And do a little exchange?
Johan Heinrichs: Exactly. I'll take the— I'll eat the best ones if there are best ones, you know, the best of the— okay, I'm not gonna go there.
Shannon Steeves: We could talk about casserole for a long time.
Johan Heinrichs: I can talk. Yeah. And we probably will because they keep popping up in They do. Okay. Yeah, so that's our segment. let's, let's just recap what we did here. Let's land the plane, Shannon. Put an end to this episode.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, you're always good at this.
One Small, Practical Way to Stay Connected
Shannon Steeves: Oh, thanks. I always want these episodes to end practical and helpful. Otherwise, you know, it can feel like a waste of time for people. And so the question I want to leave you with today is, what is a small, just practical, real next step that you can offer to someone without promising more than you maybe actually have capacity for. And that could look like a couple of different ways. It could just be something so simple as, hey, can I check in with you next week? Or something I really love is inviting people into your rhythms of life that already exist. Like, do you take your kids to the park on Tuesdays? Or do Do you go to a weekly moms group at your church? Or how about just offering to, you know, take a walk around the neighbourhood in a couple weeks? It doesn't have to be extravagant. I don't— you don't have to spend money, but just simple, real ways, following the leading of the person you're connecting with and just doing real life.
Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, because it's about connection. It's not about need met, because that doesn't mean relationship finished, right?
Shannon Steeves: Yep, that's right.
Closing: Keep Being a Good Neighbour
Johan Heinrichs: The stories we share here remind us that care does not have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighbourly is an initiative of CareImpact, a Canadian charity equipping churches, agencies, and communities with technology and training to care better together. This episode was produced by Care Creatives Co., a social enterprise of CareImpact. If you're building a podcast and want help with strategy, editing, or full production, Visit carecreativesco.ca to connect with us. I'm Johan. Thanks for listening, and keep being the kind of neighbour someone will never forget— in a good way.
