Are We Helping People or Just Trying to Fix Them? Guest: Rushia Klassen

The Courage to Care: How Belonging, Dignity, and Small Acts Build True Community

When was the last time you hesitated to help someone—not because you didn’t want to, but because you weren’t sure how? Offering care, especially to neighbours and strangers, brings up all kinds of questions about dignity, boundaries, and belonging.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in that uneasy moment at the grocery store when someone’s card is declined, wondering whether to step in or stay silent. Or perhaps you’ve delivered a meal, dropped off donations, or simply tried to greet a new neighbour, and walked away wondering what actually made a difference.

Most of us want to offer genuine help, but it can feel easier to do nothing than risk doing it “wrong.”

In a conversation at the Neighbourly kitchen table, pastors Shannon Steeves and Rushia speak honestly about these tensions—drawing on stories from their own lives, ministry in Abbotsford, and the rhythms of care they’ve seen transform not just individual lives, but entire communities.

What Holds Us Back from Helping?

The desire to help is rarely the whole story. As Johan Heinrichs names it, one of the most common obstacles is fear: “What if I get it wrong? What if I cross a line or unintentionally take away someone’s dignity?”

Caring well is deeply personal. None of us wants to offer help that feels transactional, patronizing, or forced. Yet the alternative—doing nothing—often leaves us feeling just as unsettled.

It’s not just individuals who feel the tension. Churches and organizations also wonder: How do we serve our city without assuming we know best? What does it look like to move from offering charity to creating true spaces of belonging?

These aren’t questions with quick fixes or neat answers. They sit at the heart of what it means to be a neighbour.

The Power of Ordinary Neighbourliness

Most of us didn’t grow up thinking of “community” as a program or a project.

Rushia remembers life in a small B.C. town where neighbours really knew one another. She recalls arriving home from childhood camping trips to find a neighbour waiting on the step with a welcome, sometimes before she’d even unpacked the car. Trading cups of sugar, keeping an eye on each other’s kids, sharing in both the practical ups and downs—these are the ordinary threads that wove a sense of safety and belonging.

But as Shannon Steeves recognizes, it’s just as easy for that neighbourly instinct to fade in urban life (or even in apartment buildings). The loss isn’t simply about knowing people’s names or sharing errands—it’s about missing the little moments that remind us we matter to one another.

So what brings that sense of connection back when it’s missing? It starts, these pastors suggest, with showing up for each other in whatever context we find ourselves—courageously, imperfectly, and with a posture of learning.

What Does Dignity Look Like When Offering Help?

Dignity is the difference between helping and connecting, between charity and community.

Rushia describes the culture at their women's centre: a space where people enter as strangers—often feeling vulnerable or even afraid—and, over time, find more than just practical support. They discover a place where their story matters. As one newcomer put it, “I have found myself in this community,” eventually becoming a volunteer and translator for others following her path.

What keeps dignity at the heart isn’t just the provision of food, clothing, or classes. It’s the choice to slow down, learn names, notice stories, and recognize that everyone brings value.

In practical terms, that often looks like:

• Letting someone offer back what they can, even if it’s small

• Inviting participation, not just consumption

• Asking before assuming, especially about needs or preferences

• Making it easy for people to move from receiving to giving (not because you “should give back,” but because giving is part of belonging)

Importantly, Rushia has learned that those we think of as “recipients” are often the ones who teach the helpers most about generosity and courage.

How Can Churches and Charities Avoid ‘Saviour’ Dynamics?

For organizations rooted in faith, these questions carry special weight. The temptation, sometimes, is to step in with solutions rather than starting with listening.

In Abbotsford, the church’s women’s ministry moved intentionally: rather than dreaming up their own service projects, they asked local agencies, “Where are the gaps? What families aren’t being reached?” Instead of assuming, they responded in partnership, building trust and shared understanding.

This discipline of asking, listening, and collaborating shifts the dynamic. It acknowledges that churches do not own the solutions, nor does formal ministry make someone the expert in someone else’s life.

As Rushia shares, sometimes care means simply walking alongside rather than leading or pulling. Sometimes it means offering help without expectation of return. Sometimes it means recognizing, with humility, that the church also carries stories of harm and exclusion—and choosing to offer grace, apology, and a fresh welcome.

When Receiving Means Giving: Rewriting the Story of ‘Need’

One of the quiet revolutions in Rushia’s community work is the realization that every person has something to offer.

In the women’s programs, moms often arrive needing baby supplies or food. At first, asking for help can feel exposing. Over time, something shifts: as their child outgrows clothes or toys, they become contributors—bringing items back so others can use them. Several have asked to continue volunteering once their formal program ended, not out of obligation, but a sense of belonging.

The same is true for newcomers to the city or to Canada. Sometimes it begins with a single act of support—a housewares item, a hot drink, a moment of courage to step into an unfamiliar community. The story that unfolds is never just about charity. It's about finding one’s place in a web of care.

Care becomes powerful when it is reciprocal, not transactional. When each person—regardless of circumstance—can experience both the grace of receiving and the dignity of giving.

Why Does Helping Sometimes Feel Awkward or Uncertain?

Even with the best intentions, care isn’t always tidy.

There are moments when you’re not sure whether to step up or stay quiet. A story from the grocery line brings this home: someone’s card is declined, the embarrassment is obvious, and the bystander faces a series of awkward calculations.

Do you offer to pay openly, risking further embarrassment? Quietly cover the difference? Stand still and hope it passes?

Neither Johan nor Shannon Steeves think there’s a perfect answer. The heart is to offer help without taking away agency or dignity. Maybe you quietly tap your card and assure the person it’s no big deal. Maybe you buy the items and catch them outside—not with a show of charity, but simple kindness.

What matters most is avoiding paralysis. Fear of doing it imperfectly should not become a reason to do nothing.

Perhaps the key is to remember that most of us know what it is to be in need, out of place, or short on something—whether money, energy, or courage. We know, too, that the smallest gesture is often the one remembered.

When Generosity Surprises Us

Moments of generosity are not always grand gestures—they can come from those who have the least by worldly standards.

During COVID, Rushia tells a story about delivering food boxes to single moms. One recipient, seeing that she received more sweet potatoes than her family could use, immediately posted online to offer the extras. Some in the community wondered if this meant she was ungrateful. In reality, it came from a place of empathy: she knew that others would need those sweet potatoes more than she did.

This pattern repeats itself. The women at the centre, the children coming with bags of shoes to give away, those inviting others to their table—all of them reveal that scarcity does not prevent generosity.

True community is formed not just by what people receive, but how they are trusted and empowered to give.

Making Care a Natural Rhythm, Not an Occasional Project

It’s easy for caring acts to become once-in-a-while projects, especially in busy, program-driven churches.

But as Rushia sees it, care flourishes best when it’s a shared rhythm—embedded in the daily life of the community. It’s less about heroic acts and more about a posture that says: “I’m willing to be a little inconvenienced. I’ll show up, listen, and offer what I can.”

“And when care becomes natural,” she suggests, “it flows beyond church walls. It spills onto the sidewalk and into everyday life—at the grocery store, at the park, anywhere people cross paths.”

This orientation grows from a deeper belief: that every person needs care, every person can offer care, and everyone benefits when both giving and receiving are allowed to be ordinary.

Small Systems, Big Belonging

While programs and systems can never replace relationships, there’s value in organizing care well. Rushia is now helping launch CarePortal in Abbotsford—a simple tool that connects practical needs submitted through agencies to nearby churches, who then have a way to respond, follow up, and build connection.

But she’s clear: CarePortal is only a tool. Its real strength is not efficiency, but the way it helps more people feel noticed, invited, and less alone. When a family is matched with a church, what endures isn’t just the delivery of car seats or groceries, but the possibility of friendship, follow-up, meals shared, and the lines between “helpers” and “helped” fading into something more human.

It’s about closing the gaps so fewer people slip through the cracks of loneliness and need.

When You Don’t Know Where to Start

If you’re wrestling with questions—How do I offer help without taking over? How do I engage new neighbours? How do I build a culture of care in my work, faith community, or street?—you’re in good company.

There are no perfect scripts. Sometimes the smallest act is the one that changes everything. Sometimes showing up is the bravest move: knocking on a door, sharing a welcome, offering a ride, or inviting someone into what you already have.

Instead of waiting for the big idea, many communities are beginning with one practice: pay attention. Notice who’s missing, who’s new, who might need a check-in or a favour, who could use a reminder that they are not alone.

As Rushia reflects, care is far less about always having the answer and far more about choosing to be present—again and again, in ways small and large, until presence itself feels like home.

One Small Step This Week

Notice the people around you this week—a neighbour, a coworker, someone in line at the store. If you see an opportunity to care, don’t let the fear of getting it exactly right keep you from doing something small. Even an ordinary hello, a simple offer of help, or a word of encouragement can start to build the kind of community where everyone belongs.

We don’t have to be perfect neighbours to make an impact. It’s enough to show up and remember that care, at its best, is simply making sure no one has to walk alone.

Episode transcript Read the full transcript

A Story of Finding Belonging

Rushia: Said she came the first day, opened the door, couldn't come in, was too afraid. Next day she got halfway down the hallway, was like, nah. The third time she walked into the centre, that was like 3 years ago. Now she's one of our volunteers and a translator for other people coming from the same part of the world that she's from. And she said, I have found myself in this community. And she's giving back out of the story that's her own life, and we're all benefiting because we're learning.

Are We Helping People or Just Trying to Fix Them?

Johan Heinrichs: What if one of the biggest things holding us back from helping others is our fear of getting it wrong? We want to make a difference, but sometimes knowing how to help without overstepping or taking away someone's dignity isn't so simple. Hey everyone, welcome to Neighbourly, a podcast about ordinary people showing extraordinary care. I'm Johan, the producer of the show. Today, Shannon sits down with a friend, Rushia, a pastor in Abbotsford, BC, who's learned a lot about what it means to build community where people don't just receive care, but find belonging and opportunities to give back. And as you'll hear, sometimes the people we think we're helping have something important to teach us about generosity. So let's join Shannon at the table.

Shannon Steeves: Okay, well, today we are in for such a treat. And I'm really excited for this conversation with you, Rushia, because I think you bring so much heart and love for the local church and the church in Canada, and I think the experiences that you've had and what you've learned throughout your ministry is going to be so helpful and so encouraging for so many people. So thank you for being here today.

Rushia: Well, thank you, Shannon, for the invite. It's always nice to chat with a friend and, yeah, be encouraging one another, so that's good.

Shannon Steeves: So, we always start off with the same icebreaker question. Growing up, Rushia, who was a neighbour that you will never forget?

Neighbours Who Make Us Feel at Home

Rushia: Yeah, I think growing up in a small community in the interior of BC, you know, those were the days where your parents said, go out and play. And so, we went out and played in the neighbourhood with all the neighbourhood kids. And so, I think there were a few families that lived right around us that it was almost like as soon as you got home, change your clothes, and we were in the spare field, the playing field outside and doing pickup games. And I think that community feel right there was so powerful to me as a kid, just thinking I could go into certain homes and know that they would love me as my mom did and my dad did. And then you could go into the field and you could all gather together and just experience life together. So I think that place of like, yeah, we fit in this spot. This is where we roam and play and learn and grow. And back then there were neighbours that would also call you to accountability, which was really good too.

Rushia: Like, no, don't you be doing that. Behave yourself. So, I appreciated that too in the neighbourhood. Small communities are wonderful 'cause they know everything about you. They're also hard 'cause they know everything about you. Yeah.

Shannon Steeves: Oh, that's so special. That's, that's really sweet. I have a number of friends who grew up in small communities and they say the exact same thing. Yeah.

Rushia: It's great.

Shannon Steeves: And it's also really hard 'cause you can't hide anywhere.

Rushia: I think it's interesting too, when we were raising our own kids, how I just really appreciated the neighbours that you could go in and out of their homes if you needed a cup of sugar. You know, you could call them if you needed a little bit of help with kids, like sharing off babysitting or carpooling or whatever we did together. I think became just a safe place of, yeah, you're gonna check in on me and I'm gonna check in on you and we're gonna know each other's names. And we had a neighbour one time that She would arrive at the— she knew I was coming home from camping and she would be sitting on almost my doorstep saying, welcome home, before I even unpacked the car. So just that kind of, you're missed, you're missed even in your own neighbourhood if you're not there. And yeah, those are beautiful memories too, of just the impact of living close beside people. It's really amazing.

Shannon Steeves: That's honestly convicting because it makes me think about, I live in an apartment, my husband and I, and over the last 2 years, we've met some of our neighbours, But I do not know many of the people on our floor, and we're about to move into a different apartment in a different part of the city. I'm convicted because I think about, you know, on the street that I grew up, if there was a new neighbour, you know, my mom would bake cookies or bro— you know, make something and bring it to the neighbour. And here I am not even knowing the people that live across the hall from me. And oof, I got, we gotta change that.

Rushia: Yeah. You gotta knock on doors now and say hi. Yeah.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah, exactly. Well, this is so good. I would love for our listeners to learn a little bit more about you. you serve both as a women's pastor, and then you're also helping launch the CarePortal Network in Abbotsford. so first, can you share a little bit about the women's ministry at your church, and just what does that look like? What are some of the types of things you guys have going on there?

How a Church Can Respond to Real Community Needs

Rushia: Yeah, so our women's ministries is just so exciting because we We've done a really good job of building up inside the church, and so having things offered for Bible studies and for learning and growing, but then we've also really seen that there are needs in our community, and so we've gone specifically to certain organizations and agencies over the years and said, hey, where do you see the holes or the needs? And they've spoken to us, and then we've responded. So we've created spaces where people from the community can come into the women's ministry areas, and so we've offered courses that are like life skills or boundaries or crossover courses that just say, welcome, come join this content. But then we've also got a women's centre that it's been there for quite a few years, and it's really lovely in that it offers practical helps in a coffee shop environment. So you come in and you're greeted, and there's coffee and tea served and a sweet or some kind of treat, which is also nice.

Rushia: And then people intentionally get to know your name and your story. And then we have clothing rooms and a small food bank and spaces where people can feel like they can come during whatever season of life they're in and have their practical and their personal emotional needs met because people care. And so some people have said recently that they wandered in there and just felt like there was something different here, and I believe it's the grace of God and the Holy Spirit moving. That's just saying you have value.

Rushia: And so we have every demographic from the city that enters, and we have people refer to our different programs and different things for women, from our End Abuse program and to our Mommy and Me programs, to our Moms and Tots, to our studies, to— there's just a variety of things where we've just seen where there's a need. There's a need in our community for people to gather and have community. And so how beautiful that we have a space that we're able to do that in. And then the economy's hard. Things right now, things are expensive. So to be able to offer clothing for young and old, and we also have a boutique in there where, say you had a wedding to go to or something very special or work, and you just can't afford the items, you can come in there and choose an item from your shoes to your bag, to your jewellery, to the clothing itself. And all of it's been donated by either our church or people in our community. So it's, again, a place where people are able to contribute and receive, and then give back, too.

Rushia: And it's been a real joy to walk in that role as a women's pastor because I get to listen to lots of people's stories, and hear and walk alongside people, and help them spiritually, emotionally, physically, if possible.

Shannon Steeves: Oh, I love that. There's a couple of things you said that really stood out to me. I think from the beginning, you said that your church approached organizations and agencies in the city that were Already engaging with families, it sounds like, in a really hands-on way, and you asked, where are the gaps? Where are there needs that need to be filled, and how can we as a church do that? I think that is so crucial when it comes to churches being really a part of their community in a way that is really beneficial. It's asking some of those organizations who are kind of experts or just, well, very familiar already with the community and saying, We don't want to add more work to your plate. We want to actually help alleviate and bring relief and be the church in a really practical way. So I think that's really key.

Shannon Steeves: And then the other thing you said that stood out to me was just at the end there, that the Women's Centre has become a place not only where a woman can come in and receive some different supports and find just a place to kind of breathe, but also a place that she can give back to and she can be a part of. Can you share a little bit more about what you mean by that?

From Receiving Help to Contributing and Belonging

Rushia: Yeah, it's really exciting. I think it takes a lot of courage for a woman to call a church and say, I have a need, and whether that need is, you know, I need a stroller, or I need a car seat, or I need some clothing for my children, and it's hard because it's a stranger calling a stranger, really, but we very soon become friends because you realize that, well, we've all had needs at different times in our lives. And so we see this especially in our Mommy and Me program. Where the moms will come in with their newborns, and we have a clothing room for everything they may need as this child grows, from blankets to shoes, whatever, all the way through. Well, they stay with us for a full year until that baby's a year, and so during that time, they see that their baby's outgrown things, and they've seen that they could actually contribute to these rooms, and we hear them say to us, you know, what a blessing it has been to be able to be part of this community. But I have things that I can give back. Would that be okay?

Rushia: And we gladly receive those gifts of their provisions, whatever it may be, and so many of the items go back into that room immediately, and we see other women take them. And what it's done in them is it's made them feel like, wow, I belong in this place.

Rushia: This isn't just a program I come to; this is a place where community happens, and it's a place where my contribution is needed and valued. I think it's such a beautiful thing for people to feel that, yeah, that they're needed in a space or that they're seen. And so that's become a very natural part of this, the program throughout the year and for these moms. And when the program is over, it's quite interesting 'cause when their baby is a year, they have to move on to, we have Moms and Chats and we have Moms and Tots, but they need to move on from that program. And we have had some moms say, oh, I'm not ready. Is there a way that I could stay and volunteer or still be engaged? Because there's a community sense that has just said, your space is here. We see you. What you give, what you offer, and what you receive are all blessings to someone, if not just themselves.

Rushia: So that's a big piece. And then the other one is, I think, when the community realizes we have a centre and they want to give. So whether it is a stroller, whether it is something that would allow us to say, yes, we can help those who cannot afford to get the things they need. And that also includes newcomers to our city. When trying to get set up in a new city is hard, you need items for your house. We also have a housewares room where they can gather provisions like dishes and blankets and things that just help them feel like, okay, I can make a home here.

Shannon Steeves: That's so good. It sounds like, at least I'm guessing, over the years of you leading and being in ministry, I would imagine that you've learned a lot. I guess, what are some of those things that over the years you've learned, or maybe even things that you've changed your mind on, approaches to compassion or approaches to ministry that over the years, what you've experienced has kind of shifted and shaped now how you lead today?

Compassion Means Walking With People, Not Pulling Them

Rushia: Yeah, I think one of my biggest learnings of compassion was when I was a teenager, actually, and my father got sick. And in those years, it was learning that he actually could not give to me what I needed as a young teen, but I could help him. I could extend some compassion to him, and I think that experience taught me that, you know, sometimes we give because we can, not with any expectation in return. And I think learning that and seeing that happen in ministry has been really beautiful because then people feel like they're valued in the moment, they're seen in the present, that they don't have to repay or make a way for acceptance. It's just, no, we're going to give to you, and we're going to accept you because you are a person, because you are created in the image of God, because He loves you, and because we have provision. So I've seen God, too, as— I think at first I used to think, well, oh my goodness, how are we going to provide for these needs? And then we'd be, let's just ask God to make a way.

Rushia: And so understanding and developing the need to pray and to trust and to see God as our provider, and that's been really beautiful. Also, walking with people and really listening.

Rushia: I think I've really grown in the understanding of everybody has a story, and so sitting across the table and being a really good question asker and being able to say, well, tell me a little bit more about why you say that, and hearing stories just flow out of people, and then how in their telling of their story, they're actually reminding themselves of maybe things they've overcome. Or they're getting courage enough to say, can I ask for this? Or can you walk with me in this way? So yeah, I think I've learned too then, and maybe this is just part of my upbringing too, is that we walk with people. We don't pull people. When we walk alongside with people, there's something really beautiful that happens when you can link arms and say, let's do it together. And so that's changed a lot in my ministry view that Yes, I have leadership skills and yes, I have a lot to say. I have a lot of wisdom I want to share, but so do they. So do whoever I'm sitting across from has something to help me with or to teach me or to help me understand.

Rushia: So that kind of, you know, we're on the same path.

Rushia: Let's just do it together. I also think that the humbleness of being able to say and realize that, yeah, we've all had needs. We've all at one point or another needed courage, needed wisdom, needed a friend. So yeah, those things have really been powerful in the journey of walking in the church, and then also realizing that the church sometimes has hurt people, the histories of the church or history of their own story, and so being able to be a person that offers forgiveness and grace and mercy on behalf of the church and my desire to see people reconciled and cared for. in that way has been really a wonderful gift to the days in the church, and then also in the community.

Shannon Steeves: Wow. So much there, Rushia, that thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing some of the ways that you've adapted and changed, and I think like you said, there's humility there and an openness to learn, and I love what you said that walking alongside someone really means There's a lot of listening. And I think sometimes, especially as Christians who care and believers who love others, sometimes our good intentions maybe can get a little ahead of ourselves at times and think, oh, we've got so many great ideas for this person or ways to help fix their situation. And yet, like you said, so do they. What it looks like to walk with someone and not pull them ahead or pull them in a direction that actually really isn't the best fit. It takes a lot of listening, I think, to the Holy Spirit and being willing to hear and meet them right where they're at. It's so good.

Shannon Steeves: You and I have talked a fair amount about just our heart for the church, but really God's heart for local churches to really be places of hope and restoration, and ultimately that picture of community. And I say this all the time, but I believe that God has a significant calling for the Church to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and that's why we're doing the things that we're doing. And I think one of the opportunities the Church has is to help build rhythms of care within their community, within their congregation, I think it's oftentimes easier to maybe do the one-time projects or the one-time acts of care that can have a great impact, but I think what I hear in how you've developed and built your ministry is that you've really created a rhythm and a culture within your church that it isn't just a one day.

Shannon Steeves: There's opportunities ongoing, and you're going to the women, and they're coming to you, and And all of those different examples, can you share, I guess, a little bit more, what are some of the ways you've created those rhythms and that culture within your own church?

Creating a Rhythm of Everyday Care

Rushia: Yeah, I think the rhythm of caring is, it's such an interesting thing to chat about because I think it's actually a belief system. I think it comes from an internal belief that, first of all, we need care, people need care, and seeing a value in that, and then a belief system that I can, I can offer care to someone. in some capacity. So, it's a mindset or a perspective shift that your contribution is needed and valued somewhere and for someone. And I think if we were all to look back at our lives, we would say, oh my goodness, I've received so much care here and there and in all these different ways by all these different people. And being able to acknowledge that, you know, sometimes we didn't even know we needed care and somebody stepped in and said, yeah, you do. And I think when you have your eyes open to see others' needs and you let it flow naturally from who you are as a follower of Jesus, then you're asking, you're basically saying, Jesus, open my eyes. What are the needs for our community?

Rushia: What are the needs of this person I'm speaking to right now? What are the needs that are bigger than I even think I can manage or handle, but God, you can give me your wisdom or your love for that situation, or you can help me network to connect with somebody else That could step into that place, and so it's honestly a lifestyle.

Rushia: And so I think when you care for other people because it flows from Jesus, then it's not selfish. It's not about you. It's really thinking about what are their needs and how would he like us to come around people? And when that happens not in a program, when it's not leader-driven, when it's actually innately in individuals, then I think there's— there's just so much impact because it's natural and it's organic and it just flows from people. And I would say that those are the kinds of people that I walk with in life, especially in the church, but just in general, that they just, they see and they believe that with God's help, they can step into situations and make things better for people, whether it's listening or providing. And that I think is then it happens at the grocery store. It happens, you know, when you're on a walk, it happens at a park. You know, you see something going on and you ask yourself, well, God, what could I do? What should I do and how?

Rushia: And then if you listen well, then you get to hear what the individual's actually speaking to you about. Okay, this is the area.

Rushia: And then if you're a good question asker, then you can even go deeper to see if there's some other way that they could be connected or networking with for them, whatever it might be that's—

Shannon Steeves: That's a really helpful picture to paint there, and that it's not, am I supposed to respond, or am I supposed to do something? It's asking God, how do you want me to see this person today? Or how do you want me to just meet them where they're at? And I think giving ourselves and giving others grace and patience to not have all the answers or not to expect I have to have the perfect thing to say to somebody, but just being there. I keep thinking about this just because it's what we're navigating right now is with moving. Every time I've talked to someone at my own church and even outside of it, but especially at my church, that my husband and I have said, oh yeah, you know, we're moving next week or whatever, the first thing they say is, oh, how can I help? Or let me know what you need. And I just think— That has become so much, I think, part of the culture of our own church, and just that's community is that it's not— they're willing to inconvenience themselves, I think, is really what it comes down to.

Shannon Steeves: It's not fun to haul someone else's boxes of stuff, but we care about others, and so we're willing to do it, and I think that willingness to be a little inconvenienced in moments is really important.

The Power of Knowing You Are Not Alone

Rushia: Yeah, I think understanding, like you said too, that deep need that we have for connection. So we don't wanna feel, or, and we know, we know in our cities, in our, in our world, so many people feel alone. And so I think that piece of connection where, you know, somebody actually offered something, whether you take them up on the offer or not, I mean, I think you should ask all those people that have said they're gonna move, come on over. And, but I think whether we take them up or not, it still feels so good to know somebody be willing. And so I think there's something really lovely about that for mankind to be able to go, I'm not alone. And then I think when you get on the other end of it, when you've received and you go, wait a minute, that felt so good to be thought of or to, you know, be able to, I don't know, receive time, care, a listening ear. I wanna do that for someone else. And I'm actually capable of doing that for someone else.

Rushia: And I just think that's a chain reaction that just It's just so good. And I think too, you know, we have people in our communities. I just think of some of the different stories that I've heard that they're difficult stories. So they actually need people to intentionally step forward, not sit back and wait, but just say, yeah, it seems to me you need a word of encouragement, or it seems I could, you know, what is it? What is it that I could do to stand with you?

Shannon Steeves: I love that because like you said, that then leads to a chain reaction. that someone feels seen, someone feels cared for, and that's impacted their life, and now they're going to go to the next person that they see and do the same. And it reminded me of a story you told me a few weeks ago that I was wondering if you'd be willing to share a little bit about during COVID kind of one of those kinds of stories of someone receiving help and what happened from there. Can you share about that?

A Box of Food and an Unexpected Lesson in Generosity

Rushia: I sure can. So during COVID it was so difficult for people, To go to the store, to get the things that they needed. And so we had to close down our people coming into the Women's Centre to receive any kind of provisions we had. And yet, we had connections with the community saying, we have resources, we want to get these into the hands of people. And so we organized a bunch of women coming. We did it all outside in the parking lot. The food, I picked up the food, we brought it to the parking lot, we dispersed it into different boxes, And then cars went off with 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 boxes of food to deliver to neighborhoods. So I dropped off this one box at a single mom's home, and she was so incredibly thankful.

Rushia: So she was like, oh, thank you so much. And she took it into her home. And then later, somebody responded to me and said, did you drop off food at this individual's place last week? I said, yes, I did. Well, did you know that they actually posted— maybe they weren't thankful because they posted that they wanted to give some of it away. And I said, oh no, let me clarify for you. They posted that because they didn't want anybody to go hungry. They looked at what was given and they said, wow, she gave me five sweet potatoes. I can only use 2 for my family tonight.

Rushia: I'm not going to be able to—and I'm not going to eat the last 3 and they're going to go bad. So how can I share those? So she posted, making it aware for people to respond and say, Please, can I have those 3 potatoes? So it was a great opportunity for me to see and to share and to help people be educated on that. Sometimes we assume that when people don't do what we think they'll do with the provisions we give, that there's a motive behind there that's not thankful, or that they didn't receive the generosity and And yet, no, that was not true at all. This individual was taking what was needed and saying, how can I bless someone else? And honestly, I see that happen so often when I am able to give things to people who have not. More often than not, they are saying, who else needs this? I will only take my portion, only what is needed for my family, and I will share everything else, or I will invite other people into my table because I know they do not have it.

Rushia: And that story, I've shared that numerous times because it was a really amazing piece to be able to go, we shouldn't look at the external. We need to know the hearts of the individuals that we walk with and believe the best in people. And yeah, praise God that he's allowed me to walk with people and learn from people and see these examples of generosity and giving from a deep level of I'll only take what I need.

Rushia: I don't want to, I don't want to oversaturate my own home when there's other people who still have want.

Shannon Steeves: Oh, I feel like I don't have anything to add to that because you hit it all right on the head. That woman, she understood community.

Rushia: Yes.

Shannon Steeves: And you don't have to have what we would say is enough or a bountiful amount of things to be able to give and contribute and pass along to others and help others, that's not limited to just those who have and not available to those who have not. It's for all of us. And I think it goes back to what you said in the beginning, that that's where really true belonging happens. And I think that is the purest form of community is that we're all at different parts of our life. We're all in different on different journeys, and our bank accounts might look different from one another, and yet we're all human, and we all have needs. And I just think about how that woman felt seen in the moment of receiving some things for her family, and then how all the others that then— that she shared those sweet potatoes with, or if it was one family, how they then felt seen. And just from there, and like you said, you have so many examples of that. It's just, it's a humbling reminder that this is for all of us.

What Are We Holding Onto That We Could Give?

Rushia: Well, and I think what it makes you do too is it makes you stop and go, oh my, what am I holding onto for whatever reason that needs to be given? And I think, oh, it makes me emotional. I think when you think about community and you think that, yeah, there are people that are looking at their own lives and just, and seeing, their first thought is, yes, I need this. Their second thought is, who else needs it? And I think that when they think about that in a way of it doesn't have to be someone you know, it can be a stranger, which this was a post out there to, you know, internet land. I don't know who received those other potatoes. And she didn't care. She was like, if there's a need, I'm gonna meet it and I can. And I just think, Yeah, as I think about my own excess, and I think that's also how the Women's Centre has been staffed— not staffed, sorry, been filled so generously, is that people have looked around their rooms and their closets and places and said, this is just sitting.

Rushia: This could be used by somebody else, and so let me generously give.

Rushia: And we've seen that with children too. We've had some schools come and clean at the Women's Centre and offer their time. to help facilitate what we're doing there, and then also hear stories of provision, and then the next time they come, they come with bags, and bags of their shoes they no longer use, or bags of their clothing that they were holding on to. So I think if you can start the process young in a child's life and realize that— or in a person's life— then it can continue on until the day the Lord takes us home, that we just have these mindsets and desires to give back. With whatever we're able to do.

Shannon Steeves: So good. Well, we're almost at time, and there's so many things we didn't get to today, but that's okay. I think we hit on maybe what the Holy Spirit wanted us to. I'd love to just wrap up with taking this into kind of the next— the recent, I guess, responsibility you've taken on is helping to launch CarePortal in Abbotsford. And so how did that come about, and why is that something that you want to be a part of?

Connecting Churches and Neighbours Through CarePortal

Rushia: It's such a beautiful thing to think that people that love Jesus and love the communities that they live in and want to make a difference want to gather together and say, how could we empower people within our churches to be able to love their communities well? And realizing that that needed a system, because even though we provide stuff through the Centre, there's still things we cannot meet their needs in. And so the Abbotsford Table has a vision to mobilize the church, outside the church, so churchgoers, to be visible in the communities by partnering with agencies and other resources to say, how do we meet the needs of the vulnerable? How do we meet the needs of those that are struggling? How do we meet the needs of people who just need a hand up or they need some encouragement?

Rushia: And so sitting at a table talking with friends about this, And seeing where it is today has been really beautiful that they have heard about and been excited about what the CarePortal offers in a structure of navigating these kinds of needs, and so that's been our connection, and I love that there's a system that's already out there that we can jump on and say, hey, would this work for our city, so that the churches can be mobilized to work together and see needs met. with a heart and a vision just to let everybody know that they are seen, that they are valued, and that you don't have to do this life alone. So they have got some great dreams and vision, and I believe God is going to put it all together, and our city will be impacted in a beautiful way. And people will be able to use their gifts, skills, and abilities. But more than that, I think it is a heart change. It is a heart change of what we talked about, that caring rhythm of just, I am here to care for other people. And how can I do it?

Rushia: And I think the Abbotsford Table is putting that in motion.

Rushia: And yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing. So if you lived closer, you could come and join us.

Shannon Steeves: I know it. I'm busy here in Winnipeg trying to keep CarePortal going over here. Yeah, exactly. I know it. Oh, I love it. It is such a neat tool. And because it's exactly what you said, it's about helping people feel less alone. Yes, you know, the practical needs are such a core part of how CarePortal works.

Shannon Steeves: You know, someone has a need, it gets submitted into the app, and then a church nearby gets notified, which is great. It's a great system, but the fruit of it and the actual beauty of it is that it's about connecting people.

Rushia: Mm-hmm.

Shannon Steeves: And when there was a recent story that I'll have to share sometime, but a recent CarePortal story that just, it really showed exactly the heart of why this exists is that When a family that didn't have access to community then gets to be introduced to a local church in their area and has kids, and they get their— the stroller that they need and the car seat, but then it's the follow-up with the meals and just the sitting and meeting everybody in the family, and the church being the church, and not the helpers and the helped, but just people together, humans together connecting and feeling seen. Yes. and loved and cared for. I'm so excited that it sounds like there's already so many awesome churches in Abbotsford that care and that love the city, and like you said, just having a way to coordinate that and make it even more streamlined so that nobody falls through the cracks, I think is just going to be a beautiful thing to see flourish.

Finding Community and Becoming a Volunteer

Rushia: I think we have stories too of what you're sharing of even women coming to the Women's Centre, and I'll just share one quick story. A woman that was new to our community from overseas and very lonely and very alone. It was a cold call to the church. I spoke to her, and she was just very afraid, so I invited her to come to the centre after I had gone to her home and had tea with her. I invited her to come and check out the centre. She said she came the first day, opened the door, couldn't come in, was too afraid. Next day, she got halfway down the hallway, was like, nah. The third time, she walked into the centre.

Rushia: That was like 3 years ago. Now she is one of our volunteers and a translator for other people coming from the same part of the world that she's from, and she said, I have found myself. I have found myself in this community, and she's giving back out of the story that's her own life, and we're all benefiting because we're learning. We're learning from her, and we're sharing moments, and we're celebrating what God's doing, and I think the Abbotsford Table wants to do the same thing on a broad spectrum. in our city so that more people will know that, yeah, that they can be seen, they can offer what they have, and that their life story and what they've lived up to this point matters. And, yeah, how beautiful, how beautiful.

Shannon Steeves: Amen. Rushia, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. I think this has been just such a soul-stirring conversation for me. And like I said, I need to go knock on my neighbour's doors now and get to know those who are right next door to me. Thank you for sharing your heart and your passion and your vision for community.

Rushia: Aw, thank you for having me.

What Would You Do? Helping Someone at the Grocery Store

Shannon Steeves: One of the things that I really appreciated about my conversation with Rushia is that she just talks about care becoming part of our everyday lives, not just something that we have to do through a church program or, you know, some big organized initiative, but something that just becomes natural. And I know that's easier said than done. Because what about like those opportunities to help someone, that comes up unexpectedly and you have just, let's say, 5 seconds to decide what to do. So, Johan, I'm gonna bring you on for our What Would You Do segment. I have— All right. Yeah, I have a unique scenario, but one that I think is very practical, very real. And so I want our listeners to think about what they would do too.

Johan Heinrichs: What would you do? What would you do?

Shannon Steeves: Okay, so here's the scenario. You're in line at the grocery store and the person ahead of you realizes that their card has been declined. And so they try it again, declined again. There's people that are waiting behind you and the person whose card was declined looks a little embarrassed. And so they start deciding which groceries they're gonna put back. And so you look at everything and you're like, okay, I could, I could know, realistically afford this. So what do you do? Do you offer to pay for it right there? Do you try to quietly tell the cashier that you'll cover the difference? Or do you just stay out of it because you don't want to embarrass them even more? What would you do?

Johan Heinrichs: Oh, that's a tough one.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah,

Johan Heinrichs: I'm trying to be put in their shoes too, and like, what would I want? I mean, I might freeze. I'll probably start mentally calculating the cost of the groceries, looking at what she has, which sounds bad. It's probably not great. And then wonder if standing very still still counts as compassion and not reacting to it. Because, you know, some people might be staring and if I'm not staring, maybe it's compassion. But in reality, I think I would want to help. But I can already imagine myself overthinking and wording what I'm going to say as the line behind me grows longer. The simplest thing might be to quickly ask, would it help if I covered the difference? And then let them choose because you're giving them a little bit of power to choose.

Johan Heinrichs: But I don't think that's the best answer. It's also the cheaper way out because they're just, you're just covering what they can't.

Shannon Steeves: Mm-hmm.

Johan Heinrichs: Because most people in that situation wouldn't want to accept help. I think myself included.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: I think honestly, I would just quietly tell them, I got this. Don't worry about it. I'd walk up to the till and just do it. No big announcement. not even asking them and then trying to maintain the dignity of the, of the person there. Because I think if you wait for that reaction, for that yes, it actually is a little bit more embarrassing and it creates a little bit more of a scene. But you know what, if you just. Step in, put your card to the tap and say, I got it.

Johan Heinrichs: Don't worry about it.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: Or one other scenario is you pretend that you know the person. You say, oh, you can get the next one. I got this one this time. If you wanted to make it a lot lighter, you can do something like that. When you're in the moment, how do you think about what to do? Like, what would your initial reaction be? What about you, Shannon?

Shannon Steeves: Yeah, I like those. I think those are Realistic. I really tried to sit with this for a while and like, I'm not really— imagine what this situation would feel like. It hasn't happened to me before, and so at least now thinking about this, maybe I can come up with what I would do. Because initially I think I'd freeze too. Like you said, I'd want to help, but I also wouldn't really know what to say. And like you said, I really wouldn't want them to feel like more embarrassed. There's been times where for me, I've, just accidentally like pulled the wrong card out of my wallet, maybe like my American, one of my American cards or whatever.

Shannon Steeves: And it gets declined because of some issue with processing. And I start to feel embarrassed when I know I have money in the account, but it's, I just am using the wrong card. Right. And so I'm like, okay, I know in those moments I felt like, oh, people think I probably can't afford this and that's embarrassing. So I wouldn't want someone to feel that way. And so one idea I had that I don't know if this is realistic or not, but I think I would wait until they finish paying for what they do want to purchase. And let's say the items that they set aside are still there. Mm-hmm.

Shannon Steeves: I would— the person has now, you know, started to walk away. I think I would ask the cashier to put those items onto my bill, and then after I check out, I would try to catch them in the parking lot and just give them the things that they were going to purchase anyways. I think that's what I would try to do. Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: That's a good one. I like this.

Shannon Steeves: I don't, I don't know if it was realistic. Like, it might be a little hard. What if they drive away before I get out there? But I think that's what I would try to do.

Johan Heinrichs: I like that one. I mean, I don't know if that's the one I would utilize or not, but I kind of like the fake pretending that you know the person too.

Shannon Steeves: I like that one too.

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. I didn't even sit with that one. That just came to me on the spot.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: Because, you know, we kind of get a chance to review these questions ahead of time. Yeah. But, you know, it's interesting. Like, we both want to help, which is good. Like, that's in our nature.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: We're wired as Christ people to want to help and do something and fulfill needs. that's what we do at CareImpact and CarePortal, but we're also so worried about doing it wrong. Yeah. That it might actually miss the opportunity altogether, or—and we both really want to maintain dignity, like that's important to us, right? But I think if we walked away and did nothing, we really would feel like we missed out on an opportunity.

Shannon Steeves: Yeah, exactly.

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah,

Moving Beyond the Fear of Getting It Wrong

Shannon Steeves: and I think that really connects so well with what Rushia was sharing, that we really don't have to have a big plan or even more so a perfect response. Like, it's okay for it to be a little messy. That's real life. And sometimes all it starts with is just noticing someone and being willing to do something. And I think that's something that we can all take away from this conversation. So I have a little challenge for us this week. Pay attention to the people around you, a neighbour or someone at work, or just someone at the grocery store. And when you notice that there's an opportunity to care, Don't let the fear of getting it wrong keep you from doing something.

Shannon Steeves: Fear can be so paralyzing. It doesn't have to be big or perfect. Just be willing to show up because that really is enough.

Closing Encouragement

Johan Heinrichs: The stories we share here remind us that care does not have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighbourly is an initiative of CareImpact, A Canadian charity equipping churches, agencies, and communities with technology and training to care better together. This episode was produced by Care Creatives Co., a social enterprise of CareImpact. If you're building a podcast and want help with strategy, editing, or full production, visit carecreativesco.ca to connect with us. I'm Johan. Thanks for listening and keep being the kind of neighbour someone will never forget. In a good way.

Music: This is the take when my head is only focused here. And I lost heart and fire. Love is turning over tables, breaking off chains. When I see you in a stranger, I'm no longer staying. Turning over tables, breaking off chains.