How Do You Help Without Making Someone Feel Like a Project?

Person or Project? How to Help Without Losing the Human Connection

Have you ever tried to help someone and realized afterward that you were more focused on solving the problem than seeing the person?

Most of us want to help well. We bring the meal, deliver the hamper, offer advice, lend a hand, or step in when somebody is struggling.

Those things matter.

But there’s a subtle difference between meeting a need and connecting with a person.

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, helping can begin to feel more like completing a task.

That’s the tension Shannon Steeves and Johan Heinrichs wrestle with in this conversation on Neighbourly: how do we offer practical help without allowing someone’s need to become the only thing we see?

When Helping Becomes a Transaction

A transaction has a fairly simple structure: someone needs something, someone else provides it, and the exchange is complete.

Sometimes care has to work that way.

A family needs a car seat. Someone needs a meal. A neighbour needs help moving furniture. There is nothing wrong with responding to a practical need.

The problem comes when the transaction becomes the entire relationship.

Johan reflects on years of making Meals on Wheels deliveries. There were routes to complete and a lot of people to reach, which meant conversations could easily become rushed.

Looking back, what bothers him isn't that the meals were delivered. It's the stories he never heard.

When someone's name eventually disappeared from the delivery list, he often didn't know what had happened to them.

The practical need had been met.

But how well had he actually known the person?

How Do You Help Someone Without Making Them Feel Like a Project?

Helping with dignity starts by remembering that the need is only one part of someone's story.

That's particularly difficult when the need is the reason you meet in the first place.

Through CarePortal, a food hamper delivery, or another community program, you may know what someone needs before you even know their name.

That doesn't make practical help wrong. It simply means moving toward relationship may require a little more intentionality.

Sometimes it starts with introducing yourself.

Sometimes it's asking another question instead of immediately leaving.

Sometimes it's learning something about the person that has absolutely nothing to do with the reason you showed up.

The goal isn't to manufacture instant friendship.

It's simply to leave room for a person to be more than the problem you're there to solve.

Why Do We Rush to Fix Other People's Problems?

Fixing things can feel easier than sitting with something unresolved.

Shannon describes moments when someone shares something vulnerable in a group and is immediately met with advice.

Everyone may genuinely want to help.

But when solutions arrive before someone has really been heard, the message can unintentionally become: I'm more interested in solving this than understanding what you're experiencing.

Our desire to fix isn't necessarily bad.

We don't like seeing people suffer. We want things to be made right.

But Shannon and Johan raise an uncomfortable question: Is my response actually about helping this person, or is solving the problem helping me feel better about the situation?

Sometimes the wiser first response isn't advice.

It's curiosity.

What Does Dignity Look Like When Offering Help?

Dignity doesn't require a grand gesture.

Often it appears in small choices.

Shannon suggests asking before assuming, offering choices when possible, learning something unrelated to the immediate need, slowing down, and following up.

Each one communicates something similar:

You have a voice here.

Your story matters.

I'm not only interested in what you need from me.

That can change the tone of even a brief interaction.

What If Someone Doesn't Want Connection?

There's another side to this.

Not everybody wants a conversation.

Johan remembers delivering hampers to people who asked for them to simply be left at the door.

It's easy for the person helping to interpret that as a missed opportunity for relationship. But there may be plenty of reasons someone prefers privacy.

Receiving help can feel vulnerable.

Previous interactions may not have gone well.

They may be tired, embarrassed, cautious, busy, or simply uninterested in talking.

Respecting that choice is also part of dignity.

Neighbourliness isn't about forcing relationship.

It's about making connection possible while allowing the other person to decide whether they want to enter into it.

Sometimes Connection Is Awkward

And then there are the far less serious barriers to neighbourly connection.

Like forgetting someone's name.

Shannon and Johan talk about the strange lengths we can consider going to when we've spoken with a neighbour several times and somehow still can't remember what they're called.

Do you admit you've forgotten?

Pretend you know?

Casually inspect the name on an Amazon package?

The obvious answer is probably the simplest one: just ask again.

It's a small example, but it points toward something bigger.

Real connection isn't always polished.

Sometimes being a good neighbour means being willing to feel a little awkward.

Practical Ways to Make Care More Human

You don't need to stop meeting practical needs. The challenge is making sure efficiency doesn't become the only measure of good care.

A few simple practices from the conversation can help:

• Ask before assuming. Give someone room to tell you what would actually be helpful.

• Offer choices. Even small decisions can reinforce someone's agency.

• Learn something beyond the need. Ask about their life rather than only the circumstance that brought you together.

• Slow down. Sometimes another thirty seconds changes the entire interaction.

• Follow up. Let the relationship continue after the practical need has been met.

None of these guarantees friendship.

That's not the goal.

They're simply ways of communicating that the person in front of you is worth more than the task at hand.

One Small Step This Week

Think of one person you encounter primarily because of a task, service, need, or responsibility.

Maybe it's someone you volunteer with. Someone you serve. A coworker. A cashier you regularly see. Or the neighbour whose name you're still hoping will magically come back to you.

Learn one thing about them this week that has nothing to do with what they need from you.

Ask a question.

Stay another minute.

Listen before offering a solution.

Care doesn't always require doing more.

Sometimes it starts by making sure we actually see the person who is already there.

Episode transcript Read the full transcript

What Makes Someone Feel Like a Person, Not a Project?

Shannon: And so that desire to solve or that desire to fix things isn't, again, inherently bad. It's just how do we take that and ensure that it doesn't become something that we're using to make ourselves feel better, but it actually is about seeing someone, connecting, and growing in relationship with them. Welcome back to Neighbourly. We are here with another season. I say we because I'm joined by Johan, who you've gotten to hear over the summer. I hope you've really enjoyed those short summer speedo episodes. I have been. I've thought about so many practical tips.

Shannon: Keep thinking about the one episode about picking up our neighbour's trash bins, even though we don't need to. but it's been such a great summer.

Johan Heinrichs: But I kind of feel bad for those that are tired of those and hearing my voice because here I am right back in the fall and they thought they got rid of me, but no, here I am.

Shannon: No, we need you. You make us better. I'm excited to be back. It's been a quiet summer for me a little bit, not getting to come and chat and talk with all of you, but I'm excited to dive into this season. Johan and I have been talking and strategizing and just thinking about how we can make this space valuable and meaningful for you as listeners, and that it really be a space where you can come and hear something practical, but see how it really can apply in your daily life and beyond that. So we're pumped. We're excited for what this season's going to have in store.

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, because there's a lot of competition for our attention and our ears, and there's a lot of podcasts people could be listening to. and probably are. So we wanted to really talk about, hey, why would someone really want to listen to this podcast? And we thought about things that we would get value out of and just keeping our listener in mind and really wanting them to get something out of it, too. So it's not like we're making a huge shift. It's all about being better neighbours, but like, let's get to the nitty-gritty. Like, how do we do that and how do we live out how Christ wants us to live out as good neighbours and loving one another?

Shannon: Exactly.

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah.

Shannon: Yeah. It's easy to get into the ideas and the concepts and the theories, but like, what does it mean day to day? You know, what does it mean when I'm walking down the hallway of my apartment and I see that annoying neighbour who I'll probably talk about later in this episode? Yeah, that's what this is all about. Being real, being practical, bringing it just down to the day to day. So each episode this season is we're going to be answering a question and This question today, I think, is something that we maybe have experienced ourselves or felt, but maybe don't know exactly how to live this out differently. So that question is, what makes someone feel like a person, not a project? And to dive into this, I've got a question for you, Johan. When have you seen someone receive practical help, but they still felt more like a need to solve than a person to actually know.

When Practical Help Feels Transactional

Johan Heinrichs: Now let me add the caveat that I don't think we're experts, like we're on this learning process too, and I probably am not great at this myself. So I can think back to a previous church that I was a part of. Like most churches, you do the hamper drives in the winter, but they did it actually year-round quite frequently. We had to pick up the hampers, certain amount, And we had the address, we had the list, and we needed to make the delivery. And a lot of these, because we did these often, like they were regular, and some people, they had it on the list actually to just leave it at the door. I'm like, why would they want us to leave it at the door? I can kind of put myself in their shoes where maybe you don't want the interaction. Maybe you're embarrassed that you're receiving a hamper. Or maybe that first connection just wasn't very good.

Johan Heinrichs: That first interaction that they had with someone delivering a hamper, maybe they felt belittled. Maybe there wasn't much conversation at all. So, it was like, why would I answer the door? I don't want to have a conversation with just another stranger. Like, who knows? It could be anything. But there were those people that we were just asked to leave it at the door. So, to me, that's one of those moments where it feels like they felt more like a person to receive practical help rather than a person to know.

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: What about you, Shannon? Do you have any?

Shannon: Yeah, I sat with this question for a minute and there, I know there's a million examples, but the one that kind of resonated the most with me is thinking about times where I've been in a group setting of some kind, and especially when maybe it's not people who I'm super close with. So whether it's like a church small group and, you know, I'm just getting to know these people or some other type of group setting. And this has happened many times where someone shares something, maybe it's personal or a little bit vulnerable, and very quickly someone responds with what they think that person should do to solve the situation, or, you know, that advice right away. And we're going to talk about this more, and it comes from a place of wanting to help, I think. But so often if you've been on the receiving end and you just share something or you're going through something hard and someone's like, well, you should just do this, or just, why don't you do it this way? It can feel like, are you even listening to what I'm saying? Like, do you hear, you know, the emotions and the feelings that I'm navigating? And so quickly you can leave that interaction feeling like, oh, they just— You know, wanted to tell me what to do. They didn't really actually want to know me or hear my story.

Looking Back at Missed Opportunities for Connection

Johan Heinrichs: Okay, Shannon, we just shared some examples of maybe those times where they felt maybe like a problem over, or a project over being actual people. What about looking back in hindsight, caring for someone and then looking back and wishing, man, I wish I would have done that differently? Because I did not treat them like a person. I treated them like a project or someone that just had a need rather than building in that connection. Do you have anything looking back?

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: If you can remember?

Shannon: Yeah, I do. I was thinking back to when I was a student in college. I was at a really small, tiny, tiny school in a very small town. And once a semester, they would cancel classes in the morning on one day of the week. And all the students would go out to serve the community in some way. And some work had been done on the front end to identify, you know, who needs their lawn mowed or who needs, you know, this piece of equipment that's been rotting in the yard moved, or who needs help organizing, whatever it might be. There was a group of friends and I, and we had kind of come together and said, you know, we'd like to go do, you know, do this, whatever it might be together. And we got connected to, an elderly woman who I think she just needed some yard work done.

Shannon: around her house. And looking back, the experience actually ended really meaningfully. She actually took us out for ice cream cones afterwards.

Johan Heinrichs: Nice.

Shannon: Yeah. And so it was, it ended up being a great example, I think, of good connection, but I don't think it started there for me. My mindset going into that morning was I wanted to help, I wanted to serve, but I was thinking about, okay, what are the tasks that need to be done? I need to make sure I listen to the instructions properly. When we get there, I want to make sure I understand what she needs us to do and clearly put, you know, the sticks in this pile or the rocks in that pile versus starting with who is this woman that we're going to get to meet today? What, what is a little bit of her story? How long has she lived here? Like, none of that was really in my mind. I was thinking about like, what are the steps that we need to do when we get there? And I think in the end it was someone in my group who had actually met this woman the year prior. So she had a little bit of an ongoing connection. And then it was the woman herself who really invited us to go get ice cream. So she, I'd say she was almost doing more of the connecting and more of that relational time together than I really was going into it.

Shannon: And I think looking back, I just wish I would've approached that differently from the start, mentally of thinking, you know what, I just want to get to know this woman and we're going to have time to do the work that she needs us, you know, to really help her with. But like, first let's just connect. Let's just get to know her and meet her a little bit.

Johan Heinrichs: Maybe it would've resulted in more ice cream for you too.

Shannon: I know, that's what I'm thinking. We have a picture with her too. She was so sweet. I know it. Next time. Next time. What about for you? What comes to mind?

Johan Heinrichs: I also used to deliver Meals on Wheels. I don't know if you, if you're familiar with that, but I think it's all over North America or whatever. But basically there's patients that are at home that need food because they can't care for themselves. They might have home care nurses and stuff coming in, but they have people that deliver meals. I always work with people with developmental disabilities, and that was one of the projects that we had. I quote unquote projects.

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: One of the things that we did during the day. Now this problem lay on me. We often had so many deliveries to do and didn't necessarily have enough time in our schedule to take our time and get to know the people. We didn't take much time to say hello. And again, like I would knock on the door, I'd say Meals on Wheels, and they would say, just open the door and put it on the floor or whatever. Yeah. but there were some that wanted to come in and try to initiate conversation. And I always wanted to get this going because we had other things to do and this wasn't my favorite thing to do, honestly.

Johan Heinrichs: I don't know if it's, if it's because, you know what, I don't know. I don't know. I think I was afraid of talking with people at this point in my life. Strangers. I didn't like strangers very much.

Shannon: Interesting career choice now, Johan.

Johan Heinrichs: Thank goodness for growth.

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: but I mean, the interesting thing is if you've done Meals on Wheels long enough, you have these regular routes. So you know, okay, I'll be going to this person's, this person's, this person's. And because a lot of these people are elderly, once in a while, one of these names would drop off the list.

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: And you have no information. You don't know what happened. Why don't they need him? Maybe they're all better all of a sudden, or they found new home care, or maybe they passed away. And as a podcast guy, I kind of— I'm kind of sad looking back at those times where I didn't take the time to connect with people because stories as a podcast person are so important. And I do love stories, but I didn't push to get their stories. I didn't get to push to find that connection. And maybe because They had Meals on Wheels. They didn't get many visitors or family bringing them meals.

Johan Heinrichs: So that was an opportunity missed. And I feel like a lot of them really did try to put an effort in to get to know me, but I was on a schedule. I was too busy to make that connection, and that grieves me a little bit.

Shannon: Yeah. I think you make a great point in there, Johan, that sometimes people do just want you to leave the meal or leave the thing at the door. And go on. And that might be comfortable for both them and for you, but it kind of, I think, can leave both people feeling like, oh, we didn't really see each other. But before we can get to that point, can we— can you share a little bit about why do you think that is? Why do you think that it's easier to just leave the item and go without really having that human-to-human connection?

When Someone’s Need Is the First Introduction

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, I think one of the challenges is that sometimes in these situations that we're talking about specifically is that the need actually is our first introduction to the person or family that we're meeting.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: We're not, we're not building that relationship first, and I feel like when care grows out of an existing relationship, it's so much easier. Like, it's more natural. People feel human already because you already got to know them beyond beyond their need, and you might understand their need a little bit more because you understand the situation they're from. But it's really hard when our first introduction to them is, you have a need and I'm fulfilling it. Like, how do you build that relationship first? You can't really get to know them ahead of time knowing that the need is going to arise. Like, that's really challenging, especially in our case. Like, we're the care portal people.

Shannon: Mm-hmm.

Johan Heinrichs: You could probably speak to that a little bit.

Shannon: Totally. Yeah, I love that you mentioned this because I was thinking about how I see this in my own life all the time. I've got friends who are having babies and friends moving because they're getting married and all these different things. And when I'm in conversation with them, it just naturally comes up, like, you know, what can I make for the baby shower? Or, you know, tell us when you're moving so we can come help, you know, haul boxes. It just feels so natural because we already have that relationship with them. And it doesn't feel transactional. But you're exactly right when it comes to opportunities that come up through CarePortal, for example, that first introduction to the person or to the family is the need that I'm reading about, you know, on the request on the app. And so that's the exact question I think we need to ask ourselves is, it's not bad that this first introduction is the need.

Shannon: Of course, that's not an inherently bad thing. So knowing that though, how can we then see that need and take that and make it a more human moment, a more relational moment? And I think a lot of it comes down to our intentionality that you might get to show up with the car seat, but when you get there, is it okay, here's the car seat, like have a great day. and bye. Or what if, hi, my name is Shannon. I, you know, saw that you're in my neighbourhood and wanted to bring this car seat. How are you doing? How, you know, how does it feel to be adding a new little baby to the family? You know, are you new here? Just asking questions, I think, is such a great way to easily get past that transactional kind of space that can come up when we're just bringing something or, and meeting someone for the first time that way, that I love to ask questions. because you can find things to relate to that go beyond what it is that you're bringing. And I can say, oh yeah, I'm having a baby too.

Shannon: And oh, figuring out, are we're going to, you know, how are we're going to do feeding or whatever those, those different things you can do, just connecting. As people. And, and doesn't mean you're going to become best friends right away. You know, they might not even want that, but it just means I see you and I'm getting to know you and I'm bringing something that you need because we all need things. That's, that's not wrong. But when we bring that, how can we ask questions to help us see that person beyond what they need? I think that's a great way to go about it.

Johan Heinrichs: And I think maybe another human way of going about it, and I don't think this is a typical way of doing a request, is recognizing, you know what, I'm nervous about meeting you for the first time, and you're probably really nervous about meeting me for the first time, and recognizing, hey, they're probably even more nervous than I am. I don't know how you bring that up in your first interaction, or if you do at all, but just even having that recognition. That they're probably feeling nervous about this. And I like what you said there is like, I have needs too. Like, is there a way that you can weave that into the conversation saying, you know what, I've been helped in so many ways. I really just wanted to give back and I know we all need support. So here's my way of doing that. It takes that savior complex out of the way a little bit, saying we're just all caring for each other and this is my way of reaching out.

Why We Rush to Fix Other People’s Problems

Shannon: I love that. That's a great practical reminder of our mindset. Johan, can you talk a little bit about problem solving though? Because I, it can be kind of an instinctual reaction is that when we see a problem or an obvious need, our natural instinct is to solve it. Like, what do we do with that?

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah, if you ask my wife, she'll say that I like to solve problems even when she doesn't want me to solve problems. She just wants someone to listen. I think I'll always be learning how to do that better. But I think we're all in a sense problem solvers because we don't like to see suffering. We don't like to see people in need. That's why charities thrive off sharing stories, showing the kid in need and putting that on the screen because that's what's going to create donations, right? We want to solve that problem for that kid. We don't want to see that kid suffering anymore.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: So I think inherently we don't like unsolved mysteries. That's why we like the whodunit series, podcasts, true crime, because we want to find out who did it. We don't like things going unresolved, and we don't like to see suffering.

Shannon: I think that is such a natural part of how God has made us, too. He is a God of justice, and I think when he formed his people, There's a level of that in us as well, that we can sense right and wrong. We can sense good and evil and desire that good order to how life should be and that vulnerable people shouldn't suffer. And so that desire to solve or that desire to fix things isn't, again, inherently bad. It's just how do we take that— and ensure that it doesn't become actually something that we're using to make ourselves feel better, but it actually is about seeing someone, connecting, and growing in relationship with them.

Johan Heinrichs: I really like what the Bible talks about us being the body of Christ and not having the hand say to the eye, I have no need of you. I'm not sure if it was the hand or the eye, but you know what I mean. But we all need each other, and I think that's the place we need to start from is knowing our need for each other. We all have something to offer the other person, and I think that's a good place for us to begin to give out of relationship and connection rather than giving to a need because we're really giving to people. We're not giving to a need, we're giving to people.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: Because they're worth it and they have, intrinsic value.

Shannon: Yep.

What Would You Do? Forgetting a Neighbour’s Name

Johan Heinrichs: Okay, Shannon, before we put a bow on this episode, we're going to try something new. I want to have a little bit of fun on this podcast because you know what? I listen to a lot of podcasts and the ones that are more fun, I keep coming back to.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: So we're going to do a segment. This is the first of its kind and not the last, hopefully. If you have negative feedback, you can let us know, but We're going to call this segment, What Would You Do? What would you do? What would you do? Okay. So you know what we're doing here, Shannon. what's this segment going to be about? What are we going to do? All right.

Shannon: So in our What Would You Do segment, I'm going to give you a scenario and a question, and I want to hear how you'd respond. You know, maybe you feel strongly one way, maybe you have a few options. But I want to hear what, what would you do in this scenario? And maybe I'll share a few thoughts as well, because the one today I have a lot of feelings about. All right, so Johan, you have talked to the same neighbour several times, and you definitely should know their name by now, but you don't. And then what do you do the next time you see them? Do you ask their name? Do you pretend that you already know it? What would you do?

Johan Heinrichs: I'm notoriously bad at remembering names. I got a few things. I got a few options, actually. First of all, my wife is better with names. So if a neighbour keeps talking to us, I'll usually ask her, hey, what's the neighbour's name? They were just talking to me. I can do that, but I'll usually forget the name almost immediately and have to ask her again anyway. So, that's not a great solution. And number 2, I just don't use their name.

Johan Heinrichs: I mean, I'm actually living this out right now. I got a few neighbours. We talk all the time. We're on the driveway saying, hey, how's it going? I don't know their name. I should know their name. I've lived here like 7 years. I interact with people all the time without using their name. 7 years?

Shannon: Wait, you lived there 7 years, you don't know their name?

Johan Heinrichs: Well, I did. I learned. I— okay, I got to know their name at one point, but, oh, you know, then winter comes and no one talks to the neighbours in Manitoba because it's too cold. No one wants to be on the driveway chatting, so I forget their name over the winter. And I almost need to use it every week to remember it.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: There's one neighbour, our next-door neighbour, I got to know their name. I talked to them all the time, and then they moved away. And now we got new neighbours, and I got to learn that process all over again. So, well, and then one of them barely speaks English, so that's not going to be great.

Shannon: Right. Unless you learn their language, then there you go.

Johan Heinrichs: Okay. But here's a great solution. Oh gosh. I don't know the legality of this. I'm not condoning this, but everybody gets mail. We don't have those locked mailboxes here yet. Some, many places do in Canada, but we don't. So, I might actually go to their mailbox, You know, check a name on the mail.

Shannon: Johan.

Johan Heinrichs: I'm not, I'm not checking their mail. And you know what? Sometimes neighbours get wrong mail, so I can pretend to bring a letter over there. Like I got the— they got in the wrong mailbox and just peek at the name on the mail. I'm not going to open the mail because that's illegal.

Shannon: That is definitely.

Johan Heinrichs: That is. But you know, for the sake of being less awkward and getting to know I'm not saying I've done this. I'm just saying it's a possible solution. You know, something I may— yeah.

Shannon: I should probably ask for forgiveness because I am acting self-righteous, but I almost have done a couple of these.

Johan Heinrichs: Okay.

Shannon: Yeah. Even last night, I'm, as you're talking, I was realizing I saw someone's package in the hallway and that Amazon had delivered and it was for a guy that we've talked to, but I forgot his name. And I really thought about looking down at the package to get his name, but I thought, you know, that's weird. I shouldn't do that. So I didn't. But what I did do actually that I don't think was wrong, but my intentions maybe were not the most pure. We moved this summer to a new apartment and it's been great. We love living here.

Shannon: We do have one of a neighbour who you could say is eccentric. That's my, my favorite word to describe her. She's an eccentric lady, and I've talked to her a few times. Very— yeah, very just eccentric. she's told me her name and I don't remember what it is, but the other day I was like, what is this lady's name? And I remembered that because we're in an apartment We have one of those like pager systems when you walk in, so you can like dial someone's unit number and it'll, you know, they'll buzz you up.

Johan Heinrichs: Nice.

Shannon: Yeah. And so it has a list of all the tenants. It's posted and it has their unit number, and I knew which unit number she lived in, so I just looked at the list. It's, it's just right there, very public. But the downside is that people, they choose what to display on the list, and so it only had her last name. And what I'm not going to do is look her up on Facebook. That would be, I think, a step too far.

Johan Heinrichs: You can be respectful and say Mrs. whatever her last name is.

Shannon: That is true.

Johan Heinrichs: That can work.

Shannon: That is true. Except she's never told me her last name. So then she'd probably say, where'd you get my last name? Oh, I think the moral of the story is that we just— well, what is the moral of the story? Maybe we just need to write people's names down when we remember, when they tell us.

Johan Heinrichs: Okay. So, you know what? This is a good segue because finding out someone's name could make them feel like a project. How do I find out this person's name?

Shannon: Not if they don't know that you did all that effort.

Johan Heinrichs: Well, here's the other thing. Like I talked to neighbours and I know they don't know my name. Like I can look them in the eye. We have several conversations.

Shannon: Sure.

Johan Heinrichs: And I never hear them use my name. In fact, Johan is not a memorable name. So we're in the same boat. It's, it's kind of this weird tension.

Shannon: You don't even—

Johan Heinrichs: you don't know each other's names and you're just having this conversation.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: We really just need to get better at connecting with people and having these conversations better so that we're also caring and loving on people and talking.

Shannon: That's right.

Johan Heinrichs: Out of a place of connection and not a project of, I'm going to find your name out one way or another without asking you directly.

Shannon: Right.

Johan Heinrichs: Right.

Shannon: Just be a little more direct. I think we could all use that.

Johan Heinrichs: Just be more direct, but kind.

Shannon: Clarity is kindness, right?

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah.

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: I mean, we could always ask them, but who wants to be the first person to ask for their name?

Shannon: Yeah.

Johan Heinrichs: And that's the thing. Like, if you ask your neighbour's name, I'm still going on this. If you ask for your neighbour's name, they're going to say their name and then they're going to say, what was your name again? So someone's waiting for that question.

Shannon: It's actually relieving when someone says, what was your name again? So maybe it's more bonding, really. Like, this is a great connection opportunity.

Johan Heinrichs: Yeah. Anyway, that was our segment. That's our question. It's not always going to be the same question. Obviously, we're going to have different questions and hopefully make us think a little bit more.

Shannon: That's right.

Johan Heinrichs: And you know what? That tied into this episode nicely, I think.

Shannon: So, I think so.

Practical Ways to Help People Feel Seen

Johan Heinrichs: You have anything else to say on today's question about treating people like people rather than projects?

Shannon: I think what I'd love to leave with is a quick bullet list of some ways to practice this, because I want to make sure that when we have these conversations, people can leave with that next step of like, okay, well, what do I do with this? So here's a few ideas. When you're in conversation with somebody or you're interacting in one way or another, ask questions before you assume. Number 2.

Johan Heinrichs: Could be their name.

Shannon: Could be their name. Start very basic. Number 2, offer choices where possible. Kind of ties in with not assuming, but if you can offer a choice between this or that. Number 3, learn one thing about the person that has nothing to do with what they need. I think this is kind of like a power practice in a way. I think this goes a lot further than we think. It does.

Shannon: Number 4, slow down enough for a human interaction when circumstances allow. Instead of rushing through life, rushing through the day, take a second and see somebody. Talk to the person at the cash register. Say hi a little bit longer to the person who's filling your gas. And lastly, follow up. So let's say you're able to help a neighbour move some furniture, And maybe it's a neighbour you don't really talk to that much, but this time decide to follow up with them, check in, and see what else they need. Those are just a few possible practices of things you can do in the moment to help us move from seeing people as what they need and actually seeing them for who they are and the worth that they have.

Care Does Not Have to Be Perfect to Be Powerful

Johan Heinrichs: That sounds great to me. All right, Shannon, I had fun joining you on this episode. I think I might Join you for a few more this fall.

Shannon: Sounds great.

Johan Heinrichs: How do you feel about that?

Shannon: I think that's great. Our listeners are soon going to find out one way or another that I won't be around too much after December because I'm having a baby of my own. So, yeah, here we go.

Johan Heinrichs: And I will for sure remember your baby's name.

Shannon: Please do. Please do. I hope so. I'll write it down for you.

Johan Heinrichs: The stories we share here remind us that care does not have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighbourly is an initiative of CareImpact, a Canadian charity equipping churches, agencies, and communities with technology and training to care better together. This episode was produced by CareCreatives Co., a social enterprise of CareImpact. If you're building a podcast and want help with strategy, editing, or full production, visit carecreativesco.com.

Shannon: carecreativesco.com.

Johan Heinrichs: I'm Johan. Thanks for listening, and keep being the kind of neighbour someone will never forget, in a good way. This is The Take, where my faith and your own meet. We're staring up at God's heart on fire. Love is turning over tables, breaking all chains. When I see you in a stranger, I'm no longer the same. Turning over tables, tearing down walls, building up the bridges between the souls of his children. Turning over tables, breaking all the walls.