The Privilege of Quiet: Advocacy That Lets Others Be Heard with Marie Christian
The Cost of Indifference Series: Episode 7
Description
What does it mean to truly advocate for others?
Marie Christian joins Wendi Park and Johan Heinrichs to explore the idea that advocacy is not about taking over the conversation but knowing when to pass the mic. Marie shares her journey from becoming a legal guardian at a young age to empowering youth in care to shape national conversations. Reflecting on her own experiences and those of the young people she's mentored, Marie underlines the importance of creating safe spaces for voices to be heard, not stifled. Through heartfelt stories, the conversation challenges listeners to check their biases, listen intently, and collaborate authentically with those they aim to serve. As communities and churches strive to care better, this conversation invites us all to embrace relational advocacy that empowers individuals and sparks meaningful change.
Time Stamps
[00:00] Introduction
[05:54] Empowering Youth Through Advocacy
[06:58] Youth Advocacy Transformation Journey
[11:54] Empowering Youth Voices
[14:34] Inspiring Leadership Through Empowerment
[17:55] Transformative Journey of Young Leaders
[22:30] Respect Young Voices: Listen & Act
[25:23] "Embrace Authenticity Through Vulnerability"
[27:15] The Role of an Advocate
[31:42] "Collaborative Community Building"
[34:44] Authentic Connection Through Attachment Styles
[37:40] Care Lingo: Felt Safety
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Marie Christian:
An advocate is someone who either stands in front of you and speaks on your behalf, stands beside you and just kinda helps you when you forget a word or when you get too nervous, they give you the prompts to say what you wanted to say. Or they stand behind you and they're just there. They're the muscle kinda just pumping you up and they know that you got it, but they're just there in case you you just need to remember there's someone at your back.
Johan Heinrichs:
What if advocacy isn't about having the mic, but knowing when to pass it? How do we listen without trying to fix? Maybe real care starts when we stop assuming we know what's needed and start asking. This is Journey with Care, a podcast by Care Impact where curious Canadians find inspiration to love others well through real life stories and honest conversations. I was reminded this week about when I was a youth leader back, oh, like over twenty years ago. I was leading the youth worship band, you know, training and equipping them to learn to lead worship. And let me tell you, it was a real exercise in restraint. There are moments I knew I could step in, fix the rhythm, tighten the harmonies, or just take over completely. And honestly, sometimes I really wanted to. Not because I didn't believe in them, but because I did.
Johan Heinrichs:
I could see their potential. I just didn't want them to fail. But I had to learn that part of leading was letting them learn, letting them fail small because we learn from mistakes and failures. But I know I needed to let them figure things out and know that the stage, even in its messiness, was still a safe place for them to grow. My job wasn't to make them perfect. It was to make space. And it was the same with my own kids, especially my eldest son. We knew he had a gift from music for leading worship even at a young age.
Johan Heinrichs:
We could see it in him before he could. So we nudged, we encouraged, maybe even pushed a little too hard. And instead of stepping forward, he pulled back. He didn't wanna be told what to do, even if it was something we knew that he was made for. So when we finally stepped back, when we stop trying to lead from in front, he found his own way to the mic on his own terms, and now he hasn't looked back. Sometimes the most powerful thing we could do is get out of the way. Hey. Before we introduce our guest today, I wanna remind you that our podcast can only grow with your help.
Johan Heinrichs:
So thank you so much for sharing this podcast with others that you know need to hear it, and we would love to keep the conversation going with you on the Care Impact Podcast Facebook group. Check the show notes for the link. Alright. Now our guest today was a guest in season two episode nine. It was such a great conversation, and we wanted to have her back for this series. Marie Christian has spent decades building platforms for youth and care to be heard, not just spoken about. From becoming a guardian at age 20 to directing the voices network to shaping national conversations, she embodies advocacy that is grounded, relational, and radically empowering. But what struck us most, Marie doesn't speak for others.
Johan Heinrichs:
She walks beside them. Alright. I'm gonna hand it over to you, Wendy, to get this conversation going.
Wendi Park:
I would love to, Marie. I am so delighted to have you back in studio here with us talking about a a topic that I couldn't imagine asking anyone else, specifically on advocacy and having voices be heard. Is really a part of who you are. But before we get in, I just have a fun question to ask you. Marie, if you had an unlimited gift card to any store, but it can't be something, like, practical, like for groceries or something, where would you pick and why?
Marie Christian:
Well, I'm afraid that my choice fuels my addiction. I would want an unlimited gift card to, like, McNally Robinson because I just love books. And while I'm starting to enjoy and appreciate audiobooks, I like hardcover books. Where it becomes an addiction and perhaps a folly is that I have almost an entire cupboard full of books that I love and will read sooner than later. I keep trying to tell myself, don't buy any more books until you've read these ones, but sometimes they call to me.
Johan Heinrichs:
As an audio guy, books are great for sound absorption. So if you ever wanna create a podcast studio, there's that's a great excuse for you to buy more books, just so you know, even if you're not gonna read them.
Wendi Park:
Oh, Johan, you are enabling me, and Marie, I couldn't agree with you more, sister. I am a book junkie. I love books, and there's so many. Like, I have to have five going at once, and there's there is a bookshelf right here beside me, books that I've yet to read, that I have good intentions for. But I would love to go shopping with you at McNally Robinson. Good Canadian store too.
Marie Christian:
Yes. Yes.
Wendi Park:
So in our series, the cost of indifference, we've been looking at a variety of ways that it costs society. It costs us when we are indifferent, particularly towards those that are more marginalized, more vulnerable. And today, I'd love to dive in with you, Marie, on the privilege of just staying quiet, not doing anything, and why advocacy matters. Can you tell me a little bit about I know this is near and dear to your heart, but tell me a little bit why what gets you up in the morning for advocacy when I talk about that?
Marie Christian:
I think what gets me up in the morning when it comes to advocacy, just the thrill of knowing, especially in my experience, that young people are learning that their voice matters and that while sharing your thoughts and sharing your opinions may not lead to you getting what you want, The real important thing is that you were a part of that conversation, especially when it directly impacts your life or the lives of of the people who you care about, who are in your community. So just seeing that that dawning of realization on the faces of young people and and other folks from care is what makes me excited about advocacy and helping them to make their voice heard.
Wendi Park:
When did you first realize that this is a is something that needs to be paid attention to and the power of advocacy and sharing your own story? Did you just wake up one day and say, you know what? This is important, or what brought that on for you?
Marie Christian:
Sometime in high school, I must have learned about, youth engagement in some way because I remember, like, with my church youth group, we always had, you know, different youth leaders, always adults. Back then, you know, being 14, 15, you think that they're much older and wiser when really they must have just been 30 year olds. And when I turned 16, I really got this fierce passion for there needs to be young people on the youth committee. And I remember, you know, with a few of the other young people at the church really advocating that at least two young people should be also a part of the planning of youth activities. And which was really out of, character for me. I was a really shy young person, who I it made me nervous just to think of speaking out loud. But for some reason, that became really important to me at that time. But it wasn't until I became the legal guardian of my nephews and we needed to reach out for help to the children's advocate office and they did what they could, but the best thing they did was offer me a job.
Marie Christian:
They offered me to be the youth, outreach coordinator and to visit different group homes and talk to kids about their rights while they're in care. And that's where I learned that it's actually a right under the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Article 12, you have the right to share your opinion on decisions that directly impact you. Learning that just made me feel like, oh, okay. So it's not just a little tingle I had in my stomach. Like we actually do have the right to speak and to be heard and to be involved. And again, it took a few years to learn that that doesn't necessarily mean you'll get your way. The important thing is you're a part of that conversation and you can be a part of developing whatever the next steps are.
Marie Christian:
But for youth and care specifically, you can be a part of developing what your plan of care will look like.
Wendi Park:
I love that, Marie, and that children's lives matter in the way they can actually have a voice over their own story and their own desires and wishes. And, wow, what a privilege that you were invested in at that young age to learn about the rights of, of children. How old were you when you took on this job?
Marie Christian:
I believe I was 20, 20 one.
Wendi Park:
And also taking care of your nephew?
Marie Christian:
Mhmm. Two of them. Yeah. When they came to live with me, they were nine months old and six years old. And by the time I finally reached out for help, they were probably like one and a half and seven. And again, I was still a really shy introverted introverted young person, but needing to speak up on their behalf gave me courage. And then being hired and then be given all this training to be able to communicate this to other young people gave me finally a voice to be able to help others find their voice.
Wendi Park:
Can you tell me a little bit more when you did go, talk to the different group homes and listen to the group homes? What were some things that surprised you about advocacy? And as you were listening to so many youth, you had a great opportunity, front row seat to this role. What did you learn through that experience?
Marie Christian:
Well, I learned that most young people's immediate perception is that this is bunk as they used to say. We don't say that anymore, but it's bunk. This isn't gonna go anywhere. They don't actually have a voice or or what they say doesn't really matter. But if they chose to stay like in connection and if they did have something that they needed to advocate for, then we would take the steps to make their voices heard. One of the biggest things we always worked on was, our immediate, feeling when we're feeling unheard is that we have to yell. We have to speak louder to make people hear. But I learned from them, from other youth in care advocates from across the country that sometimes or usually, you're mostly heard in a meaningful way when you can find that center of calm and not allow your emotions to, like, really override what you're trying to say.
Marie Christian:
But when a young person is able to control and deliver what they want to say, then the adults in their lives listen even more closely. They lean in a little bit more to hear this quiet voice. So that was one of the biggest things that I learned and that the other young people learned as well that they can make their voice heard. It doesn't have to be a screen. We can figure out just how to communicate effectively, to make sure that they're being heard.
Wendi Park:
Wow. That is really powerful and so empowering for youth to understand that their voice matters, but to bring yourself to a place of calm, to be able to gently speak truth to power because there is a bit of a power imbalance even just age wise. And and we right now, we're talking about the young and the old or the those in care and not in care, but you could put it into variety of context, of different sectors, social sectors where some are empowered and some not. But those that would be considered less privileged to have a voice, to learn how to have that voice is so needed in our society. And I just know fast forward, I don't know how many years, but I met you, oh, was it ten years ago maybe when, you were the executive director for Voices working with youth aging out of care? Can you tell me a little bit how you went on and were training young people how to share that voice? And, man, is that powerful, but tell me about that.
Marie Christian:
Sure. So while I was at the advocate's office, there was a young person who used to come in pretty often to sit with the advocate, Janet Merwalt at that time. And I just heard wondering like, who is this young person? And she walks with so much confidence. And they told me, oh, she's the director of the youth and care network. But she was just finishing her term at that time, so the position was open. I applied and then I just kept calling and asking. And finally, I got an interview and was hired. So coming into this role at Voices, I decided, and this might sound cheesy, but I just kind of prayed every day, like, God, what do you want me to do while I'm here? So my main mission just became to like, just love.
Marie Christian:
Like, all of those things that I felt that I missed just because of my own experience of childhood, lots of transiency in and out of care, whatnot. How can we just love these other young people in and from care and give them that family experience? All the all the best things that you hope families give to their children, how can we make sure that happens? And one of those things was a voice. Like I had said a few times already, I was super shy and afraid to speak up as a young person. So I wanted to make sure that any young people who interacted with the network, that that was one of the first things that they learned, that their voice matters not to be afraid or even when you are afraid, let's find a way to make your voice heard anyway.
Wendi Park:
And you've been leading by example too, just in the way you've you've spoken out in media and in in radio, different ways that I I've heard you speak up. And when you hear your voice coming through in different settings, there's some confidence, but you're not coming over confident either. You're not, like, yelling and saying, we've gotta change child welfare, and you're not coming across angry at all, which I've really appreciate because it invites people to the table to to hear what you have to say. And people are leaning in, and people have put you in places of leadership time and again. It's an affirmation that what you're doing is on the right track. And and I know we've invited you to different events in the past, and and you are a big proponent of not speaking for people but with people. And you've been empowering young adults, young, kids aging out of care to share their stories, and we've had them be keynote and and panel discussions. And they have shared their stories.
Wendi Park:
I imagine there there's a lot of coaching, and I see a lot of loving mama bear. They look up to you not just, oh, this is this is my boss or somebody that I I program I go to. There's a familial side to to what you offer there. And those voices are so powerful. And here you are in the background or beside them with your arm around them. I just beaming mama bear pride for them speaking up and so well. Tell me what that's like to hear other people at that empowered stage, to share their story.
Marie Christian:
It is one of the best feelings in the world because we always start with practicing sharing our stories just amongst ourselves and really emphasizing safe storytelling. Yes. We wanna make an impact. We wanna touch people's hearts and we wanna see change happen, but not as a cost of your own mental, emotional health or the our listeners. So learning safe storytelling and then watching them practice safe storytelling or when we have an occasion to watch how other groups might have youth panels when they turn to me and they say, oh my gosh, is someone supporting that young person? Because that young person is not sharing their story safely. I'm like, okay. So you get it. You get like just that fine balance between I'm sharing my story and I'm potentially harming myself and my listeners.
Marie Christian:
So watching them just grow in that ability to share their story, to share it meaningfully, to receive feedback or to answer questions in a way that honors their story is so exciting because you know that they're gonna, they could move on and and continue to use this skill in every area of their lives.
Wendi Park:
Without going into the specifics of individual stories, can you give me some examples of what it did for them to be able to be given the mic or be given those opportunities to share their stories? How did that add value, confidence, you name it, to their lives moving forward in in in many ways?
Marie Christian:
Well, I'm thinking of a few of our of our young leaders who, you know, came in just feeling angry with the system and angry with the world, but by finding that sense of belonging and community at the network and being able to practice their stories, sharing skills or to to work together to advocate on an issue. Many of them have gone on to just do amazing things, whether I'm thinking of one who is a director of another child welfare agency right now, others who are lawyers, teachers, nurses, others who have been able to, maybe even most significantly, they've been able to interrupt the system cycle in their own life where their parents were in care. Now they were in care. They've lost their children into care, but they've learned how to center themselves and have a conversation with their worker so that they could develop a plan to bring their child home. And now they've reunified their family or others who were able to center themselves, have a conversation with the agency and avoid having their kids apprehended at all. Just being able to speak without letting it be completely emotional, which for some reason just shuts listeners down, but to be able to speak and say, this is what I need. This is what my family needs. So those are some of the most impactful ways that I've seen, young people continue to use their voice after their time with the voices.
Marie Christian:
I think some of the more fun advocacy stuff that we've done as a network or that we did as a network while I was on staff there was things like our garbage bag fashion show, where the young people really wanted to raise awareness of the frequency of moves while kids are in care. And not only the frequency, but the way that their items were just thrown into garbage bags and kinda like ready at the door when they got off from school or in the trunk when they were just getting picked up. And they thought the best way to communicate the need for planned and thoughtful placements was to have a fashion show where all of the clothes are made out of garbage bags and they were like, garbage bags are great for fashion, not for moving. You know? So they were able to make their voice heard in a really creative way and in a really impactful way. I still hear from people. And this fashion show was a few years ago. I still hear from folks about the impact of watching them and participating in the show, what that did for for them as listeners. So
Wendi Park:
I love that. And being able to include some humor because there's some camaraderie and something that you mentioned earlier on, there's a sense of belonging and that safety to share your stories that they weren't just going out there, in a loudspeaker and sharing their stories in a vulnerable, exploitative way. There was a sense of safety net in and how to share the stories. That was a safe place to do it. And I think that's so valuable and can be overlooked when we say, oh, we just need to listen. That's important. But let's talk to the listener that may be part of a church that has a heart for their community that says, you know what, Marie? I love what you're saying here, and I want people to have a voice. I wanna listen.
Wendi Park:
I've been hearing this over and over in the episodes. We need to listen better. Talk to that individual. Talk to me. How can I be a good listener to the story? What do I need to know so that I can be a helpful participant in their journey?
Marie Christian:
Well, I think to the average person who just wants to listen, I would say, a, thank you. That's excellent. And b, check your biases. It's absolutely natural that the way we were raised, the environment we were raised in, the community we were raised in, we will have certain beliefs about how things work in life. So if you're truly ready to listen, then just be aware that your own experiences might tint what you hear and then be willing to set those aside. And like, be willing to tell yourself, okay, just because I was raised this way doesn't mean everyone had that experience. At the national level, we have Youth in Care Canada and one of our slogans there is ask, listen, believe, act. So ask the questions.
Marie Christian:
You know, please be mindful never to ask a young person or anyone to to to share too many details of their story. I know it can be really interesting and you wanna know like the nitty gritty, but be mindful of avenues. But ask if you if you have a question, ask, listen to their response, believe that what they are telling you is true, even if it is from their experience. And if they're a young person, yes, their perspective will be limited because they're young and maybe they don't see the whole picture, but believe them when they say that that's how it impacted them and then act on it. If there's something you can do to either help that young person make their voice heard or to respond to what they're saying, do so. And if you're not sure, ask that young person, how can I help? Are you just telling me this because you need to vent or what do you wanna do with this? But make sure that there's some action behind what you've heard and learned from the person who's sharing with you.
Wendi Park:
That is really helpful, and you've put a framework around that. It it leads me to wonder, how can I be that safe person to listen well so that even if I come with good intentions and I I'm you're right? We have biases. We just do. We come with our framework or worldview. It's not good or bad necessarily. It's just that we come with those biases. And let's say I I do those things, yet how do I be that safe person for the person speaking up and be an ally with them?
Marie Christian:
Yeah. Well, I think you just have to be yourself because we can't be all things to all people, but we can be ourselves and the person who needs us will find us. You know, back when and I'm currently on leave from voices. So when I say back when I'm referring to when I was on staff, hiring staff or recruiting practicum students, they would come in and they would compare themselves to maybe a staff who's been there longer or a volunteer who just seems to have a really good connection with the kids. And they oh, I don't have I'm not I'm I don't have that kind of energy. And I would remind them that it's okay. Some people, their personality is a three. You're always cool as a cucumber, and you're always here.
Marie Christian:
Some people are always operating at an eight. Super high energy, gonna kick a ball, gonna run somewhere. Young people will go to what they need when they need it. And if you are just comfortable being yourself, then that young person who needs a cool cucumber, they will come find you and they will come talk to you. That young person who needs to be pumped up and they need a 10, they will go find a person who operates at a 10. Just be cool and comfortable with who you are, where you are, and the person who needs you will find you.
Wendi Park:
Oh, that's so good, Marie, because that really underscores the the fact that we need to be who God created us to be. And and that requires certain vulnerability, wouldn't you say? Like, often we can mask that we have to be a certain thing, especially if we're thinking of ourselves in a helper or a listener type of role as if we have something to fix or let's just face it. Sometimes that's the the biases we come into when somebody wants to share something that is maybe a little harder than we might have experienced, and we we do care for the marginalized or those that are in a vulnerable situation. However, being who we are, you're inviting us to vulnerability. You're inviting us to be seen for who we are and all the imperfections included. And that goes across the board. It's not just for those that are coming from difficult upbringings. Aren't we all longing for genuine connections to be who we are and know that we're enough that way, that there's people that that we're created to connect with in our natural beings, that is a very powerful presence without having to contrive anything or be something for somebody.
Wendi Park:
That's so good. Now I have a question about your role with you you are an advocate. You continue to, like, be an advocate in some very needed spaces in our our society across Canada, And yet there's also a sense that I hear you saying, I'm not gonna speak up for, I'm gonna speak up with. How do you know that balance of of advocating versus listening and pulling back and letting other voices be heard so that we're not giving them the mic. They they have the mic already and we're not stepping in their way. Tell me a bit, how do you how do you balance that out?
Marie Christian:
Well, way, way, way back when I started in this, one of the first things I learned about was what is an advocate? And so now when I'm talking to other folks, whether it's young people or adults, I use the same model. An advocate is someone who either stands in front of you and speaks on your behalf, stands beside you and just kinda helps you when you forget a word or when you get too nervous, they give you the prompts to say what you wanted to say, or they stand behind you and they're just there. They're the muscle kinda just pumping you up and they know that you got it, but they're just there in case you you just need to remember there's someone at your back. The only way you can be an effective advocate is to ask the person you're advocating for how do they want you to be in this moment? Do they need you in front, beside, or behind? And so in my work, there have been times where, you know, as a network and then in my role right now where, yes, I need to be the person standing in front and maybe speaking on behalf of echoing the voices that I've heard. But as often as possible, it's nice to be able to stand just beside someone. Stand beside a young person who knows what they wanna say. They're feeling a little nervous and you're just there. You, you know, you've you've met with them so you can point to them.
Marie Christian:
Okay. Yeah. You wanted to raise this point. You wanted to say that. Okay. And then the best times are when I'm just there because they they want another person in the room, but they are fully capable of speaking for themselves. So, yeah, when it comes to advocacy, whether a local or a national level, it's either recognizing where I need to be or asking the person I'm speaking or I'm advocating for where they need me to be.
Wendi Park:
Wow. So profound. Just ask. I love I love the the different positionings that you find yourself in, and I can identify with situations people come in mind where I've had to do all three in different different scenarios. But it really begins with asking the individual, listening, what do you want? And it might look different. Their answer might look different than what you think you could provide for them. Maybe you have a an amazing program or an amazing suggestion or whatever, but yet recognizing the need of them having that advocacy need already voiced between you and them, that they are advocating what they need. It it begins in your relationship, not just in what they say outward and what they do and how you support them.
Wendi Park:
Right. It's I don't like the word giving them their voice because they already have one.
Marie Christian:
It's empowering. Empowering.
Wendi Park:
You're inviting their voice into the conversation. What do you want? It is empowering.
Marie Christian:
Mhmm. Yeah. When we talk about advocates and we make a web of advocates with young people, we often start with the circle right in the middle of the web. Who is your best advocate? Sometimes they'll say my mom, my auntie, my cat. Who is your best advocate? Who's the first person who knows when there's something not quite right? Me. Yes. You are your own best advocate. So let's start with there.
Marie Christian:
And again, going back to just using your voice to be able to say, something's not right. May not know what exactly is wrong or how to fix it, but just having that self awareness that something's not right and I need help. We'll go from there.
Wendi Park:
Maria, I'd love for you to to talk to the church for a moment. Churches that want to care, that want to do well in their community and journeying with community. We've got a lot of programs. We've got a lot of ideas of what we could do to make our communities better. What role does advocacy play in that, and how how might that even disrupt I'm just thinking out loud. Maybe there's a leading question, but how that might disrupt just asking them what they what would you like, how that would disrupt our everyday program, our doing, our trying to do well for the neighbor. Let me just create that as an a statement. That's a disruptive thing right there
Johan Heinrichs:
Mhmm.
Wendi Park:
For a church. Do you have anything else to add to that thinking of a church context that's wanting to care for others?
Marie Christian:
Well, I think, like, it just brings me back to everything I've learned about community building and allyship, which I was told the other day, folks are moving away from the word allyship and more towards collaborators and conspirators. Well, I can't remember the exact reason why, but it was more disruptive to think of people coming alongside as collaborators of change. But at the heart of community building comes that conversation, relationship building with community and then asking them, how can we help? It's great to come up with programs and like really well meaning activities, but if it's not what the community is asking for, then you're doing a good thing, but it's it's not gonna be sustainable. It's not gonna be meaningful. So as a church, whether it's specifically with that church community or if they want to be doing meaningful work with the community around their building, it starts with a conversation and relationship building that will lead to community building. And when you have that relationship, you can say, okay. What do you need? How can we be more helpful?
Wendi Park:
But Marie, getting into relationship with others, that's messy though. What if they say something that I'm not prepared for? What if they they want something that we've never done things in that way? Are we now the puppet to whatever the demands of the community? I'm I'm just being devil's advocate here, but how do we respond to that? I imagine and the hundreds and and thousands of kids that you've journeyed alongside with. You deal with a lot of complicated, sad, nuanced, happy, sad, you know, complicated stories that you haven't been their savior, but you've been their collaborator. What's that like? Give us some insight on how to be good collaborators as the church walking in the messy and not fixing people?
Marie Christian:
I think it goes back to what we were talking about whether you're a level three or a level 10 in terms of energy, just being who you are. So if you've built relationship with your community and they are saying, we want every lawn on this street painted purple. You don't have to just jump and get purple paint. Keep having that conversation. Why? What does this mean to you? How would this change things? And I think after you've been able to have that conversation in a in a good way, you will get distilled down to like the actual heart of what that person or that community is looking for. Our community is messy and we want things to look pretty. Okay. Alright.
Marie Christian:
This we can do. You'll figure out how to get to the heart of what is needed and what is wanted. And then maybe from there, you can grow into, well, this is what we're actually capable of doing. Does this work?
Wendi Park:
I love that because what you're getting at is what I often refer to attachment styles. In a community attachment, we don't wanna be preoccupied attachment style where we're like, if I do this, will you like me now? Or if I do this, will I will I gain your approval so that I can show like, that can be almost pandering to and sort of virtue signaling just because we wanna do just so you know that I like you rather than going at the heart of what is it about that and and finding those common denominators that I guarantee no matter in the diversity in that room and that conversation around the table or wherever you find yourself, when you get to know each other, there are common denominators, and being your authentic self can probably reach to their authentic need when you you have what one of my friends says, a thousand cups of tea. Sometimes it takes up that much, sometimes not so long, but finding those common things that you can that's true collaboration.
Marie Christian:
Mhmm.
Wendi Park:
Alright, Marie. To wrap up here, if there was one thing that our listeners could take away that we could maybe put into practice, what would that one challenge be for us that we could grow that muscle?
Marie Christian:
I would direct everyone back to ask, listen, believe, act, which I know is maybe four things when you break it down. But and I'm thinking particularly, I saw, a post on Facebook about the missing and murdered encampment at Prairie Green. A body was found. A mother was found. And I know that there were a lot of feelings around the call to search the landfills. And and everyone's entitled to their feelings, but even if this conversation only happens with yourself, ask, why did I feel that way? And how do I feel now? Listen and honor those feelings that are coming up for you. Believe yourself. Sometimes we like to believe it or not, lie to ourselves about how we felt.
Marie Christian:
No. If you had biases, check those biases and believe that that's where you were and believe that you can have a different idea about these social issues and then act on them. If there's a way to show support for the rest of the search that's happening or to organizations that do work with missing and murdered indigenous women and girls or any social issue, it doesn't have to be that one. That's just the one that's kind of front of mind for me right now because it's it's it's front and forward right now. I would challenge listeners to just do those four things, ask, listen, believe, and then act on it.
Johan Heinrichs:
That's a great call to action. We'll we'll put that in the show notes and we'll put it on our social media for those that want to make sure that you're following up with our calls to action because we wanna take these conversations from the head to the heart, into action, not just listening, going one ear out the other. So now we're gonna do our segment, Anne Marie. We're gonna get you included in this because you could probably speak to it. It is time for Care lingo. This is the part of the show where we give a term or phrase to our listening audience that they may or may not be familiar with. That's kind of in the caring circles, words that we might overuse sometimes, but they don't know what we're talking about. So our word or phrase today is felt safety.
Johan Heinrichs:
And I know when I first you know, I'm a huge Indiana Jones fan, if you don't know this. But, like, felt safety for me is, like, taking care of that beloved felt hat, that fedora, that treasured felt accessory, keeping it safe from harm, you know. Like, picture this, you're racing through the jungle, you're dodging those booby traps, and and just as you're about to escape, your fedora falls off. Do you risk your life to grab that fedora? Of course you do, because felt safety means never letting go of your hat, you know, your dignity. Don't let that get compromised. You gotta protect that felt. It's felt safety. So that's what I thought it might mean.
Johan Heinrichs:
I don't know about you, Marie. You probably know the real definition. What what does felt safety mean to you, Marie?
Marie Christian:
Well, okay. I'm glad that Indiana Jones is what popped up for you because the first thing that popped up for me was Sunday school back in the eighties, where they had a felt board and the teacher usually sister Kai Fling, she would she would have these little felt figures and they would move across the board as she told the story. I love stories. So that is definitely a memory of of safety for me, and it was all in felt. So, yeah, that's felt safety for me. But, I mean, more realistically, felt safety is just that sense of safety that someone has when they're in a space. And I guess when they add the word felt to it, it might not be necessarily, an obviously safe place, but for whatever reason, they feel safe in that space.
Johan Heinrichs:
Well and, like, I I was taken back to that too and how we would try to create some maybe not so great words and stories out of those felt things when the when the teacher was out of the room. So felt safety means locking some of those things up when you're leaving the kids alone with that felt, I think.
Wendi Park:
Oh, we can have a lot of fun. I'd like to include to the felt safety idea. Sometimes people think they're creating a safe environment, because I'm like, well, we've got fire extinguishers. We got our physical safety. I've told everybody, like, we've made it warm and inclusive, and and yet it's based on not what we create for safety. It's what that person comes in with, we have to earn that secure attachment. We have to earn that safety space so that they feel secure. And it's not just a measure of what we do.
Wendi Park:
We we have to again ask, what is it that you need, so that we can establish that safety?
Marie Christian:
Yeah. I've I've heard of more and more places moving away from saying that they've created a safe space to just a safer space. They've done as much as they can do to prepare, but, yeah, it'll come through conversation of what an individual actually needs to feel safer in a space.
Wendi Park:
Yeah. Because one what one person needs to feel safe will look different from the other. So there's not just a one, two, three manual, and this is what you do, to create safety. It's really including that's adding that voice, advocacy. Here we go again. Asking what is it that you need so that we have felt safety.
Johan Heinrichs:
Well, there you have it. Felt safety, and I still recommend you protect those beloved fedoras as well. That is very important. Huge thank you to Marie again for sharing her stories and insight today. It's great to have you on again. We had it was just over two years ago that you were on the podcast the first time where we were sitting in your office. So, I'm gonna put them in the show notes too for listeners to go back to that because that was also a great episode. I know over a 50 people tuned in to that one to listen to what you had to say.
Johan Heinrichs:
And thank you to our listeners for being a big part of the Journey with Care community. You can go on you can go on Facebook and find our podcast group there where we will share some of these CareLingo segments, and you can have your voice, what you think some of these words mean, and just get in on the conversation. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone else. That's how we grow it. Especially if you thought about someone during this episode and say, hey, they need to hear this. So send it to that person. Alright. And next week, we got our second thoughts again where Wendy and I get to analyze what you said, Marie.
Johan Heinrichs:
And not really, but it's just processing all the wealth of information and stories that you brought us today and how we can take it even further. So thank you so much.
Marie Christian:
Thank you for having me.
Johan Heinrichs:
Thank you for joining us on Journey with Care. To get more information on weekly episodes, upcoming opportunities, or to connect with our community, visit journeywithcare.ca, or find Care Impact on Facebook and Instagram, or just check the show notes for these links and all the links related to this episode. Share your thoughts, leave us a message, and be part of a network of individuals journeying in faith and purpose. Together, let's discover how we can make a meaningful impact.
