Messy Advice For People Who Care | Committed But Not Connected
Description
Today's question: "I'm committed to my church. I show up. I serve. I care, but I still don't feel like I belong. What do I do with that feeling, and does it mean that I'm doing something wrong?"
Your messy adviser, Johan, dives into the familiar and sometimes awkward experience of faithfully showing up but still feeling like an outsider in your own faith community. With a blend of honesty and a wink towards the awkwardness, Johan explores why being present doesn’t always lead to genuine belonging, and why so many find themselves mentally folding chairs at the back of their own church gatherings. Along the way, you’ll hear a fresh take on the story of Zacchaeus, some surprising stats about connection in Canadian churches, and a few gentle nudges to help you notice and name those lingering on the fringes. It’s a short, punchy dose of summer encouragement for anyone who’s ever felt like a guest at someone else’s potluck—even after years of showing up.
CareImpact Podcast Group: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/19rkPGbD7C/
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Johan Heinrichs [00:00:00]:
This one's for anyone who's ever shown up, served faithfully, and still feels like a guest at someone else's potluck. Let's be honest, we don't talk enough about what it feels like to show up faithfully and still feel like you're on the outside looking in. Like there's a secret signal, some invisible nod that says, you're in, and you keep looking for it, but it never comes. You show up to serve, smile, and still somehow feel like a guest at someone else's family dinner. Nobody's rude, but nobody really sees you either. And eventually, you start wondering if the welcome was for you at all or just the people who already knew where to stand. This is messy advice for people who care, for anyone quietly wondering if loving the church is the same as actually feeling loved by it. I'm your host, Johan, on the edge of helpful, learning that acknowledging those on the fringes might be the most spiritual thing you could do all week.
Johan Heinrichs [00:00:56]:
Today's question is painfully honest and deeply relatable. Let's get right into it. I'm committed to my church. I show up. I serve. I care, but I still don't feel like I belong. What do I do with that feeling, and does it mean that I'm doing something wrong? Hey. If you've ever wondered whether being left out means you're out of place, and that's probably most of us, then this episode is for you.
Johan Heinrichs [00:01:24]:
And it's for you anyway because there are others around you that do feel left out. According to a 2023 Carta study, forty six percent of Canadians who attend church regularly say that they've struggled to feel a sense of real connection or friendship in their faith community. Forty six percent. Turns out showing up isn't the same as feeling seen. And a lot of us are standing in the pews thinking the same quiet thing. Why does this still feel lonely? We show up. We serve. We stay longer after the service, but we still wonder if anyone would notice if we didn't.
Johan Heinrichs [00:02:00]:
So what do you do when you're committed but disconnected? Present but still peripheral. Sometimes finding community feels like trying to sit at a lunch table that's clearly full while everyone insists there's always room for more. That's a tough feeling. Picture this. You're at a ministry event. Everybody's laughing, catching up, clearly in some ongoing group thread that you're not a part of, and then someone says, oh, you haven't heard the story? And you fake laugh like you're in on the joke. You're physically there, but, emotionally, you're folding chairs in the back of your own belonging. Let's take a look at a scripture passage.
Johan Heinrichs [00:02:42]:
Let's get biblical. Biblical. We're looking at Luke 19, the story of Zacchaeus and the tree. Zacchaeus was not the guy people invited to sit at their table. He was short, socially awkward, excluded, and let's be honest, he was a tax collector, which in that context meant he had the moral reputation of a broken photocopier and the relational warmth of a wet sock. So what does he do? He climbs a tree, literally. While the crowd presses in close to Jesus, Zacchaeus has to scale a sycamore just to get a glimpse of him. No one's making space for him.
Johan Heinrichs [00:03:23]:
He's curious, but completely on the outside. And here's the moment. Jesus walks by, looks up, and says, Zacchaeus, come down. I'm coming to your house today. He doesn't pull him out of the tree to lecture him. He doesn't ignore him. He doesn't wait till Zacchaeus apologizes or gets his theology sorted. He invites himself in.
Johan Heinrichs [00:03:49]:
Let's eat. Let's be together. Jesus doesn't just see Zacchaeus. He dignifies his presence. He chooses him publicly in a crowd that had already decided that he didn't belong. Maybe the story of Zacchaeus is for all of us who stood at the edge of the group, wondering if there's room, who've metaphorically climbed a tree just to see if Jesus would notice. The answer, he does, and he calls you by name to dine with him. Jesus doesn't wait for Zacchaeus to belong by community standards.
Johan Heinrichs [00:04:23]:
He makes him belong by calling him by name, and that's still true for us. But you might be wondering, how does this solve the problem of me getting into the group? Well, the fact is that each and every one of us are sometimes on one side of that group or the other. Sometimes we're on the in crowd. Sometimes we're on the outside looking in. So here's our opportunity to be like Jesus. We're in that in crowd. We can call those on the outside by name and invite them in. It starts with us, and this becomes the mutual transformation where we set the culture of inviting those in and calling them my name.
Johan Heinrichs [00:05:03]:
Feeling like an outsider doesn't mean you're spiritually broken. It makes you honest. Belonging starts with being seen, and sometimes the first step is choosing to see someone else. That person lingering at the edge of the room, they might be feeling what you feel too. What you're missing, you might be the one who can offer it. So if you're feeling like a guest in a space you've committed to, don't give up. And maybe this week, be the person who notices someone else on the fringe. You know exactly how that feels, so start there.
Johan Heinrichs [00:05:38]:
Hey. And if you got a question or if you wanna get in on the conversations with a like minded group of people, join us on our Care Impact podcast group on Facebook and start a conversation. And you can visit our website at karenpak.ca if you just wanna get in on the know on what we're doing. Until next time, keep loving, keep laughing. And if you ever stood awkwardly near a circle of church people waiting to be included, we've all been there. And one honest smile might be more powerful than you think. And remember to stay curious.
