Messy Advice... | Loving Without Liking

Description

Today's question: "What if I just don't like my neighbour—can I still love them if it's only out of obedience, not emotion?"

In this lighthearted Summer Speedos conversation, your messy adviser, Johan, unpacks the awkward realities of caring for people who might be more challenging than charming. Using a mix of relatable stories, biblical reflection, and a dash of humour, Johan explores what happens when love feels more like duty than delight. Whether you've ever dodged a call, felt your patience stretched by a care initiative, or questioned your motives for helping, there's wisdom and encouragement here for anyone navigating the not-so-smooth side of serving others. Perfect for those summer moments when you need a quick dose of real talk and hope to keep you loving well—even when it's messy.

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• Transcript

  Johan Heinrichs [00:00:00]:

  This one's for anyone who's ever seen a certain name pop up on their phone and suddenly remembered they had somewhere else to be, even if that somewhere was just under a blanket. Let's be honest, sometimes it's not deep trauma or spiritual warfare, it's just a personality clash with someone who makes small talk feel like a hostage situation. Imagine someone signs up to drop off groceries as part of a care initiative. The recipient opens the door, critiques the bag packing, and asks if if next time they could bring the good yogurt. Nothing tests the fruit of the spirit like being micromanaged at the door with arms full of apples. Welcome to Messy Advice for People Who Care, a summer series from Journey with Care for anyone who's ever felt called to serve someone they wouldn't exactly invite to game night. We're talking about caregiving, boundaries, burnout, and the not so clear moments of loving others well minus the formulas. This is Johan on the edge of helpful reminding you that loving your enemies was a command, not a suggestion for people in better moods.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:01:02]:

  This one digs into a tension we all face at some point. What you do in the care God calls you to costs more than what you wanna give. Let's get right into the question. I know we're supposed to love our neighbors, but what if I just don't like them? Is it still love if I'm doing it out of obedience and not emotion? That's a brutally honest question, and it hits a nerve, doesn't it? Because most of us have someone we love mostly because Jesus told us to. According to a 2023 survey from the Canada Center for Caregiving Excellence, fifty two percent of caregivers said one of the most difficult parts of caregiving is dealing with challenging personalities. Translation, you're not a bad Christian. You're a normal human with preferences, boundaries, and one last nerve. So if it's hard to care when your heart's not in it, you're not alone.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:01:58]:

  But maybe that's exactly when love becomes something deeper. Sometimes loving your neighbor looks less like feelings and more like, lord, help me not roll my eyes while I fill this coffee. Imagine this. You've just finished a long week. You're tired, overstimulated, and your people pleasing reserves are running on fumes. Then you see the text, hey. Can we talk? From that person, the one who always needs more than you have. Your stomach drops.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:02:30]:

  Your brain starts drafting a polite no, but your spirit whispers, be present. And you sit, you listen, you love imperfectly, but truly. Now let's get into some scripture. Let's get biblical. Biblical. We're gonna talk about Jonah. You all know the story. The guy gets a direct call from God.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:02:54]:

  Go to Nineveh and share my message. And Jonah's like, cool, cool, cool. Or I could sail in the exact opposite direction. He wasn't confused. He just didn't like the people. He didn't want them to experience grace. He thought they didn't deserve it. After a bit of fish related character development, Jonah finally goes.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:03:17]:

  But even when Nineveh responds and repents, he's mad. He says, I knew you'd forgive them. That's why I ran. And god responds with, not a lecture, but a question. Shouldn't I care about them too? Here's the thing. Jonah obeyed, eventually, but he never softened. His heart was still closed even while his feet walked in the right direction. And that's the warning and the grace.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:03:46]:

  You can do the right thing with a reluctant heart, but god's always inviting us to something deeper than duty. He doesn't just want our help. He doesn't even need our help, but he wants our hearts to learn how to hold tension even when love feels hard. So if you're loving someone who grates on your nerves, congrats. You're living the gospel. You're living the way God wants you to live. Don't wait for those warm feelings. Start with presence.

  Johan Heinrichs [00:04:16]:

  Ask God to do what only he can, soften your edges and remind you that you are someone he loves even on your most difficult days. And, hey, you might even be that person someone finds difficult to love but does anyway. If this hits a little close to home, it's okay. Hard love doesn't mean fake love. It just means that you're growing and that we have capacity to grow in the love that god has called us to. It's an invitation. If you got questions like this or if you're wrestling with things like this, join our Care Impact podcast group on Facebook and join a group of like minded people asking the same questions. And until next time, keep loving, keep laughing, and if you ever smiled while muting their call, you're still on the journey, and always remember to stay curious.